Things I'll Never Say
by GraceMac
Summary: EdwardWinry Post Series wo movie. Edward comes home to find that they are both different. But can they get over their differences?
1. Prologue : You

Things I'll never say

_Epic of Edward Elric and Winry Rockbell_

By KawaiiTenshi

---------------------------------------

Disclaimer : I don't own Full Metal Alchemist or the characters. The following are not the direct opinions of me on the characters but rather my interpretation of how they would act if put under certain circumstances.

About the Fic : Ed/Win + PostSeries. The following story was inspired by the song Things I'll never say by Avril Lavigne. As soon as I heard this song I thought of Edward Elric and Winry Rockbell. This fic also takes place after the series but without taking the movie into account. Only in this Al get's his body back and remembers everything. Remember to review/comment, thanx! (Also, these chapters are going to be short for a reason)

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Prologue: You

Automail : n, substituted limbs made up of metal and wires, allowing the user full use of either arms or legs to participate in life's tasks.

With the definition of automail in the dictionary there should be a picture of a blonde haired boy with eyes as gold as the sun. An image of an irritated looking young man chasing a dream. A man who was selfless and left his younger brother behind.

He always made me feel grief. Always showing up when I didn't expect it and giving me the cold shoulder. Didn't he take my feelings into consideration when he came back all messed up? No, I guess not. He did have more important things going on. But did I have any idea what these things were? No. I, the BEST FRIEND had no clue how the little midget spent his time.

But When I spotted Al with a body of flesh and bone coming up the dirt road without him I instantly knew something was wrong. Flinging the door open I ran down the road, leaving a cloud of dust in my wake. He caught me in a bear hug and cried his tears of anguish into my shoulder. The past four years coming out in racking sobs. It took me a couple of days before I approached him about his brother. But it wasn't I who asked, Al volunteered the information. I remember staring at him in shock as he reenacted the events in words. Instantly I shot out of my seat and held him. And before we both knew it, we were both crying. Crying for the man we knew was probably lost forever.

I have shed enough tears for dear Edward Elric. It has been about two and a half years since I have last seen him and I still feel the same as when he left me last. But I have become stubborn and I refuse, no, I try not the think about him except for the time when I wake up and when I go to bed at night. Praying that he is alright wherever he is.

Al seems to be doing better these days. He only stayed for a short time before running off with his sensei Izumi. When he told me of his plans I became jealous. He just returned and he was already running away again? He sensed my change of mood and explained to me that he had to do it. That it was for Ed. How can I compete with that?

So with out Al there to distract me and having the slow season upon me my thoughts began to wonder. I began to draw up designs of a new atuomail. An automail that was to be the same weight as a flesh and bone arm but with the strength that of diamonds. OK, so I can't duplicate the strength of diamonds but I made it pretty damn strong okay?

I always chose to work on my project after lunch. I find that working on a full stomach provided great results. So with the plans strewn over my work table I would spend hours, even working late into the night mulling over different ideas. And I would always end my day with a quick look at the picture of a blonde boy pinned upon my wall. At first I would frown and attempt to hold back the tears. But now I look upon this picture with a smile. Because I started to think of all the good times we shared. I would laugh about how he and Al would fight over who would marry me and how he would tell me I was a baby for being scared of thunderstorms. I still do get a little jumpy from storms.

The day Al came back, I had fallen asleep at my desk. And that is exactly how he found me. I felt two hands on my shoulders, rubbing them affectionately. With out even thinking I said "Ed... I'm busy go away..." At that the hands stopped and I started to wake up. I turned around with much effort, for I was exhausted at the moment. Staring at me were brown eyes framed by tan bangs. "Al?"

How could I have thought Al was Ed? I felt bad about it because Al started to act differently since that day. And it wasn't until we were sitting on the front porch that he asked me something that took me by complete surprise.

"Do you wish it was brother that came up that road and not me?" He asked me in a small voice. I was dumb struck. What? How could be think that? I wanted both of them there with me!

"Al, What are you talking about? I want you both here with me!" I exclaimed, defending my actions.

"But if you had to choose..." he said.

"I wouldn't choose. I love you both Al..." I continued. "You know that..."

"But not like you love brother..." He said. And before I could say anything he was up and back in the house.

As I made my way up the stairs to my room I had a million thoughts running through my head at the moment. "_But not like you love brother..._", that phrase kept going through my mind. Was he trying to say that I had different feelings of love toward his older brother than him? Was he saying that I didn't just love Ed, that I was in fact in-love with him? That's impossible!

I spent the next hour looking out the window into the starry night trying to figure out what my true feelings for the alchemist were. But a soft rapping at my door broke me out of the dreamy state. "Winry, can I come in?" It was Al. I stiffened at the voice. When I didn't answer I heard a mumbled apology and foot steps retreating down the hall. Great, now he thinks I am mad at him. Doesn't he understand what he has started inside of my head, not to mention my heart? He is making me question my feelings. Something I have never done before now. Before now I had just known how I felt. Now it seemed as if I was just covering up and hiding it all. I reluctantly got up and softly made my way to Al's room.

I knocked on the door. Instantly Al was at the door. He was opening his mouth to speak but I stopped him with my own words. "You don't have to apologize Al. I know how you feel to not have him here. It kills me too. It eats at me everyday. And I just made it a lot worse for you." I said. He stood there staring at me. "Ok well I'm going to go try and get some sleep." I went to move but he grabbed my wrist to stop me. Since when was Al so strong?

"No Win. Don't say that. Yes, I am upset that brother isn't here. But what kills me the most is that you two are apart." I was looking at the floor as he spoke. But after he said that last phrase I lifted my eyes to meet his piercing gaze. "Both of you are meant to be together. Fait has dealt a bad hand for all of us. But you and brother got the worse cards." I had been trying my hardest to be strong. But now I was failing miserably. The damn had broken and the river was starting to rage down my face.

The next morning I found myself laying with Al on his bed. I must have been so upset i didn't want to be left alone. As I turned to look at him. I was thinking of his brother. But no, these two were not the same. Al, an innocent who happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. Ed, a boy who ran away from his pain dragging his poor brother with him. But was that really how I felt now? No, after Al telling me bits and pieces of their travels I began to have respect for the older one. He truly grew up before he was suppose to. He missed his teen years entirely.

I left Al there, he looked like he could sleep his life away. That was the big difference between the two of them. Al could sleep through anything. While his bother would jump out of bed at the slightest noise. This always made me laugh.

The days started to drag by. Al would come and go. But he would never be longer than a week before coming back to spend two weeks here. He knew that him leaving for a long period of time would push me over the edge. But I also understood that he wanted to get Ed back. So shortly after we made a compromise. He would call me if he was going to be longer than three days.

I finally got a call from Al telling me he had a lead. I remember being excited and scared at the time. I wanted to see Ed so bad it was starting to hurt. But scared for Al. I was so torn. He told me he would call me if he heard anything more.

I have decided that when or if Ed ever comes back here I will either beat him senseless, or jump him. And if the latter happens I will be extremely frightened. Because rejection was worse than death. Well maybe it isn't, but to me it would be. I have long excepted that my feelings for the alchemist were more than just sibling love. But that was all I was willing to admit at the moment. Thinking anymore about it made my heart ache.

It has been two weeks since Al called me. And I guess the deal we made about him calling me after three days went fluttering out the window. I just prayed that he wasn't in any trouble.

The bench by my window was uncomfortable, but I stayed there none-the-less staring off into the dark sky, which was my custom to do so. Only this time I wasn't just thinking of Ed, I had thoughts of his younger brother there as well. I know he wants his brother to be alright. But was it worth his own life?

I decided that maybe some sweet tea would make me feel better and allow me to get a few more hours of sleep. Grabbing my robe I slipped it over my shoulders and made my way down the stairs and into the kitchen.

As the water was heating my thoughts kept drifting to Ed. Would this torture ever end! "Please just get out of my head" I whispered.

The tea tasted sweet as I assumed and I inhaled it. Taking in the warm mist and feeling much at ease. I looked down into the mug and noticed how grown up I had become. The last time I saw him I was seventeen. Now I was almost twenty and my face was not that of an adolescent but that of a young woman. I heard a noise behind me and it made me jump.

"Win!" I heard a male voice say. I could recognize that voice anywhere. A smile played on my lips but I wasn't going to let him get away with being gone with out a single call for too long.

"You made me so worried, where-" but when I turned I found myself staring into a pair of golden eyes. Gold eyes I hadn't seen in such a longtime. I lost my voice suddenly and the mug I had been holding fell out of my hands and hit the floor with a crash. The porcelain smashing on contact and the liquid seeping out all over the floor.

"Oh I'll clean that up!" I heard Al say. But I was too busy staring into a pair of gold eyes to notice what was going on.

"Win.." He whispered. I put my hands up to his face. I felt the stubble on his cheeks. I moved downwards to his chin then back upwards. My hands went through his bangs. He blushed under my touch. "...I'm real Win..." I heard him say. This phrase brought me back to reality and instantly my hands balled into fists at my sides. With out realizing it I started punching him in the chest and yelling at him.

"Where have you been you big jerk! You left me--us, all alone!" But instead of fighting me off or yelling in retort he pulled me into an embrace and my anger at him melted away. It was replaced my sadness. The tears broke free and slid down my cheeks. "You left me..." I chocked into his chest as I cried.

This was definitely real.


	2. Chapter 1 : Feelings

Chapter 1 : Feelings

It had been so long since I last saw her. She looked so... so... different. No, she was the same 'ol Winry. But there were slight differences. Her hair was in a pin rather than a pony tail. Her cheek bones were also more hollow. My childhood friend was no longer a child but a woman. And this made me feel different. I brushed the thought away and concentrated on the now.

At the moment she was hugging my lower torso with a death grip. Her sobs had quieted down and she was hiccuping. Without thinking I put my hand on her head and caressed her hair to sooth her. Where did that come from? Things were getting weirder by the minute.

I heard someone clear their throat from the side of me. I turned my head and saw Al. I instantly let go of the girl in my arms and stepped back crossing my arms over my chest. I could feel a light blush coming up my cheeks. I ignored it. I suddenly felt like such a kid again. Where were these foreign feelings come from all of sudden?

Winry looked surprised at my sudden action. But her face soon changed to an emotionless mask. A mask, that's all it was. Because I knew she was dying inside and it was all my fault; again. Why is it that no matter what I do I hurt this poor girl. No, woman I corrected myself. Calling Winry a woman was stirring a new feeling inside my heart.

When she stepped back also I noticed with embarrassment that her robe had opened a bit, revealing some of her chest. This only made me more nervous. Where were all these emotions coming from? And I knew that my face must be beat red by now. I need a quick get away.

"I-I'm r-really tired...so umm... I-I'm gonna go get some rest. W-we'll talk in the morning." I rushed past Al and Winry and went up the stairs.

As soon as I got to the guest room i shut the door and leaned up against it. What just happened down there? What the HELL just happened! What is wrong with me. She's my best friend. How could I be having feelings like this toward my best friend. This is all wrong. I must stop this before it gets worse. How am I going to be able to be around her if I keep getting all these feelings?

I decide that I need to sleep this off and get some rest.

It was good to be home though. Home. They say home is where you hang your hat. Is this where i plan on hanging my hat for all of time? I haven't decided yet.

The overcoat I am wearing is over heating my body on this unusual chilly night. But I know why I am hot. This being caused by a certain blonde female.

I strip down to nothing but a pair of white under garments. I can't wait to get my hands on my blue boxers again. I have stayed in this room before I notice as I scan the room. So the thought occurs to me that I might still have a pair of clothes hidden somewhere. I sift through the drawers in the dresser. And sure enough there are two pairs of boxers and two sets of clothes. I am shocked. She kept them. She had no idea if I was coming back but she kept my clothes anyway. I begin to pull my black jacket out but something catches my eye. Something metal shining in the dimness of the room. I reach for it. It appears to be round and as I take it out of the drawer it is accompanied by a chain. I suddenly know what it is. It is my watch. I stare at the inside and at the date, but before my mind registers what I am seeing, I hear some commotion coming from downstairs.

I press my ear to the door but all I hear is muffled noises. Slowly and with out a sound I turn the door knob and open the door a crack. What I hear makes me gasp.

"He doesn't want to see me Al! It's been two years and he runs up stairs. He's afraid to face me." I hear Winry all but yell out in frustration it seems.

What is she talking about! I've thought about her every day since I went away. Almost to the point of obsession. I sigh and almost close the door.

"Don't say that Winry..." There was a pause. "I asked him if he couldn't wait to see you and he said yes!"

"He could've been lying."

"That's not likely and you know it." I heard him sigh. "Just give him time to adjust. He has been through so much. He has changed, I can tell. But also have you."

"Maybe we are too different after all." I can hear the sadness in her voice. Why is she so sad? I'm back! Isn't that what she wanted?

"I didn't mean that in a bad way Win! Listen, just because he hasn't been here for two years doesn't mean you can't pick up from where you left off."

"How can you pick up from where you left off if there wasn't any place to pick up from Al? Huh?" she seemed to growl in frustration. "We're not anything Al. He will never think of me that way. So please stop bringing it up. I don't want my heart to break again." Now I can hear her cry. "I just want to get over him."

I have heard enough. I close the door and sigh. Why does she want to 'get over me'? What the hell is she taking about? What is there to get over? We are best friends. I feel so confused about all this. Wait. I go over her words again in my head _"He will never think of me that way."_ Oh no. You have got to be kidding me. NO WAY. She does NOT think of me that way. My heart seems to leap for joy at the possibility that we could be more than friends. But I am so confused at the moment.

I lay down and mull over things in my brain. I have a feeling I will be up most of the night thinking of what Winry said.


	3. Chapter 2 : Bombshell

Chapter 2 : Bombshell

I've stood by and watched them interact for the past few weeks and I am almost going to crack. They love each other. I know they do and it's killing me inside to watch them ignore and shun each other. Every passing second that goes by I see Winry get a little more depressed and I see brother get a little more elated. Well, today that is going to change.

I straighten my shirt and check to make sure I am "presentable" Hey, you may laugh, but I am a gentleman at heart and I pride myself in my appearance. Plus, If my teeny tiny plan is going to work I need to be confident. Yeah, my plan, Like I even know how I am going to get my brother and our childhood friend together I am just hoping that one of them will spill their guts. But they won't because they are too stubborn for that. And for that reason I am going to have to think of something. I just hope that something doesn't involve me getting exiled from this town for all time.

They are sitting across from each other when I enter the kitchen, figures. Winry is sipping tea while brother is eating. I lean against the door frame and observe them. They steal glances at each other every now and then with out the other noticing. This is getting unbearable.

I feel like I am about to blow a gasket. Suddenly I blurt something out that I know brother will surely kick my ass for, pardon my language, and Winry will most defiantly be upset with me about.

"Will you two just GET over yourselves." My hand suddenly covers my mouth. They both gasp and turn to me. I see a blush on Winry, and well Ed is wearing his famous scowl. I nervously chuckle and tell them I'll be in the backyard if they need me.

I bolt past them and through the back door. As I run I feel tears coming to my eyes. I know why I am getting all teary eyed. It's because of them. They both waited so long to be together and they are just sitting there. God Damnit, can't they just jump each other and get it over with! Woah, there I go with my language again! See what they make me do! I stop and lean down bracing my hands on my knees. I breath heavily and shake my head. How can they not see what is right in front of them? I feel like someone is watching me. I stand and turn around. Before I know what is happening I feel something hit me in the face and I am now laying on the ground in shock. After the dizziness fades a few seconds later, I am staring up at my older brother. He looks angry. No, correction, he looks FURIOUS. Again I feel the tears stinging my eyes and I know I can't hold them back. Brother don't you even know what it is your feeling?

"What gives you the right to say something like that?" He looks like he is about to cry himself. I know he never intended to hurt me. He has just be holding the feelings in and he doesn't know what to do.

"I am your brother... that's what gives me the right." I touch my cheek and I know I'll have a bruise tomorrow.

"Mind your own business you hear!" He is about to turn around and leave. I don't let him.

"Tell her before it's too late Edward." He stops at my words. Maybe it's because I actually called him by his name for once.

I am still laying there as I see someone running up behind brother. It's Winry and she looks worried. Of course she comes and kneels next to me. Brother's face turns from shock to sadness. He wishes it was him lying on the ground instead of me. He wants Winry's attention so much. I can see it in his eyes.

"Oh my God Al! Are you alright?" She turns to brother. "What the hell is wrong with you Ed!"

"He'll be fine.." He turns around and starts walking to the house.

With Winry's help I stand. "Al, you're bleeding!" she says with apparent worry in her voice. I put my index finger in my mouth and pull it out. The blood drips from my finger onto the ground, reminding me of a time my brother and I committed a sin, but that seemed so long ago. I see brother stop but then resumes walking, entering the house with his head hung. He regrets hitting me. I know he does but it's okay. I will not bring this up to him.

"I'm fine Winry. It'll take more than that to kill me." I lightly chuckle to cover my nervousness. She must know now what is going on.

"He can be so mean." She sighs as we make our way to the house. "I feel like I don't even know him anymore."

This is not a good sign. She sounds like she could be giving up. Well brother, it's up to you. I have given you the push you need. But will it really be enough?


	4. Chapter 3 : Automail

Chapter 3 : Auto-mail

My sheets are nice and comfy as I glide my body under them. I sigh as they envelope me. But I am not entirely at ease. What happened today still alludes me. Why did Ed hit Al? In the time I have known them they have never hit each other out of anger before. Something is going on. I can feel it. The air has changed and I don't like it one bit. Ed seems to be hiding something. Since he came back he hardly talks to me and I sometimes feel like it's my fault. What did I do wrong? I know that I will not fall asleep for quite a while with these thoughts plaguing my mind. Before I drift off I remember thinking. _Ed, why do you hate me so much?_

I awoke to the birds chirping outside my window. I love waking up to the sunshine on my face. The rays warm my soul as they filter through the window. Almost putting me at ease. They use to warm my heart also. But as of late I have been aching inside. Why? I have one word for you. Edward. Yes, Edward. When I am around he ignores me. I feel like I'm in a room crowded with people and I am screaming at the top of my lungs and no one can hear me. My heart suffocates when he is around. I just wish I could get over him.

As I brush my hair I wonder if I'm not pretty enough. Maybe if I wasn't so plain he would see me differently. My hair up in a pin with the sides down like always. And my white collared shirt and brown pants. Maybe I need a change. No, I can't do that. If I change myself it still wouldn't be me and he would see right through that. Why is life so unfair? Why can't he just love me? My hand tightens around the brush. And in a moment of rage I throw the brush at the nearby wall. My breathing is rushed as my body tenses. I am frustrated.

I was almost over you. I had finally stopped crying and was almost to the point of moving on when you showed up at my door. You showed up and hugged me. You held me in your arms and I felt whole again. I finally thought that the wall you had built was crumbling down before me. But no, you pushed me away and made the wall higher and thicker than before. Not even Al knows how to get through this wall.

A knock at my door brings me from my rage and sadness. I stand still. Maybe they will assume I am still asleep in my bed and leave. But there is another knock on my door.

"Winry? Is everything alright?" I hear a young man's voiced laced with worry say through the door.

I don't say anything, willing Al to just leave me alone.

"Ok... well... If you need to talk. I am here... anytime.." It sounds like he is about to say something else but he sighs and then I hear his footfalls going down the hall and then descend down the stairs.

I sigh with a relief. Does Al know what is going on? Maybe I will talk to him. I sigh once more. Trying to calm myself further before leaving my bedroom. I am about to open the door when I hear a loud painful scream. On instinct i think of Ed and I bolt down the hallway. Almost falling the stairs I fly down and am greeted with a god awful scene.

There seated on the couch is Ed. His face covered in sweat. He is shirtless and pant-less. Okay he is wearing his boxers, he's not completely naked, not like I wouldn't have minded.

Granny is kneeling and working on his leg. Something seems off about this scene.

"What's going on?" I ask trying not to sound too worried. But I fail miserably and a slight blush comes up to my face. I try to look away but Ed glances my way and immediately locks eyes with me. Those eyes. Those golden eyes that hold my soul and capture my heart. I am dumb struck. Granny speaks and makes me break my eye-lock.

"His leg and arm are broken and he never bothered to tell us." She grunts and gives him a "you idiot" look. "But the nerve endings won't shut down. But there is no other way to take it off. Brace yourself kid." She gives one final tug and sure enough the auto-mail detaches and Ed yells out one more time before falling backwards leaning against the couch. His eyes are clenched tightly shut. He must be in so much pain. I reach my hand out but pull it back quickly. He doesn't want comfort. He would think it was pity.

Granny looks at me quizzically. I shake my head willing her to not ask me.

"Well I guess we will have to make all new parts for him. I don't have some of the pieces so it might be a while." She stands up and pats him on his real leg. "You will just have to do with the dummy leg for a while kiddo." Granny puts the dummy leg on quickly. Then she starts to walk away, mumbling as she goes.

I am still in shock at what happened. I almost went to him. I need to control myself. Oh wait, the auto-mail!

"Granny wait...!" I say as I turn to her. "That won't be necessary." I bite my lip as I look at Ed out of the corner of my eye. He hadn't moved. But his face was less intense. "I...well you see..." I start to stutter.

"Well out with it!" she says.

"I already made him an auto-mail arm and leg." I whisper. I dip my head and stare at my feet. So it's out. She knows why I made the limbs. She knew what kept me up night after night while he was away.

I hear a sigh come from her. "Well then get on with it."

I lift my head and start to panic. I rush after her. "Can't you put the limbs on?" I ask her pleading.

"What?" she asks me. "I thought you liked putting his auto-mail on?" She asks me. I shake my head. She is right though.I do indeed like putting it on. The only problem is that he doesn't like me putting it on.

"Wnry, you can't run from him forever." Al says from behind me. I turn and notice he is blocking the doorway to the living room. I am suddenly thankful that he is blocking Ed from me. I don't know how I will face him. I know he heard what I said.

I chuckle nervously. "I'm not hiding." Al shakes his head and retreats back into the living room and up the stairs to read perhaps.

I turn back to Granny but she is gone. "Shoot.. where'd she go." I am about to leave when I am stopped right in mid stride by _his_ voice.

"Winry..." Ed says with a tone I have never heard him use before. It's not angry but a little bit sad.

I hang my head and feel like I am about to fall to my knees. I can't look at him. I am too embarrassed. What must be think of me? An obsessed little girl with a crush? I can't show my weakness. I have to show him that I am strong. I straighten up. I take a deep breath and turn around. I gasp in shock.

There stands the love of my life. His shoulders hunched forward in defeat and his eyes glisten with unshed tears. "You never gave up hope..." he says barely above a whisper. If the house wasn't so damn quiet I probably never would have heard him.

My heart and soul ache to hold him. To tell him how much I missed him while he was away. But that is a wish. It will never happen. Instead I reply with "Well how else was I to spend my time? I needed something to do." I hissed. I may love him. But i am still angry with him for leaving me. I don't know if i can ever forgive him for that.

He slowly moves toward me. He reaches out to me with his arm as he speaks. "Why are you being so cold...?" He sounds so hurt. I must have heard wrong. As I am replaying the words in my head I feel his hand touch my shoulder. It's like molten lava against ice. A sudden warmth is spread through out my body at the sudden touch. But I flinch and he pulls his hand back in fear. Fear? Yes, his eyes look afraid. Why? Doesn't he understand what his touch does to me?

"You can't just come in here and touch me like that..." I turn and feel the damn break as droplets fall like a stream down my porcelain face.

Suddenly someone holds me from behind. Putting an arm around my waist and pulling me closer. "Don't.. please..." I say but i can't stop the sobs from coming now. I put my hands up to my face. Why can't I just run away? Oh I wish I could run away from this pain.

His head perches itself on my shoulder and we are now cheek to cheek. I can feel his breath and smell his scent. The sadness and anguish I felt soon being replaced by the warmth I felt earlier. A few more crystalline tears fall down my face.

"Winry... I.." He seems to fumble with the words.

If he tells me he doesn't love me I think it will ruin me. I can't handle that. It would break my heart. "Please... don't say it..." I plead with him.

"I..." He tries again.

No Ed, please, you will break my heart if you speak those words to me. I break from his hold on me. How I had the will power to do so alludes me. But I did break away. I wrapped my arms around myself as I went through the porch door leading outside to my work-shed.

Before I enter I hear a loud crash from the kitchen I hear a yell and then silence. A tear comes down my cheek and hits the ground. I look upon it and decide that that will be the last tear I ever shed for Edward Elric.


	5. Chapter 4 : Moonlight

Chapter 4 : Moonlight.

She breaks away from me and leaves. She leaves me alone in the kitchen. Why can't I just fucking tell her how I feel? Why can't i just tell her I love her. Yes, I love her. The beautiful blonde mechanic has captured my heart and I can't even fucking tell her! I truly am hopeless.

In my rage I throw a chair at the nearby cabinets and yell out in anguish. Is this what it's like to love and lose? I've lost her. She has moved on finally and I can't do anything about it. I fall to my knees. The tears I had held back earlier were threatening to break through. She had hope when I was away. She had hope that i would return. And I returned to late. Soon I bet someone will come and take her away and marry her. And when that day comes I will truly die. Because I always envisioned her being in my arms for all eternity.

"Why is this so hard?" I ask aloud, more to myself.

"Love isn't easy brother..." I feel a comforting hand on my shoulder. I look up and I see my brother ightly smiling at me. "But it's worth it."

I need comfort right now. And I have always been too stubborn to ask for it. Al senses this and pulls me into his embrace. "She doesn't love me Al." I take a deep breath. "She has moved on."

"You don't know that." But I sense the nervousness in his voice. He too has doubts.

We stay like that for a while. The sun sets in the distance and the moon starts to shine through the window over the sink in the kitchen. I look him in the eyes.

"I know brother, your welcome." We both stand. He looks out the window and at Winry's work-shed. A soft light emitting from the window. "She loves you brother." He moves to leave but I stop him.

"How do you know?" I ask him.

"i can see it in her eyes when she looks at you..." He smiles at me. "Go to her brother." Then he leaves me alone to mull over my thoughts. My gaze drifts to the work-shed.

I open the porch door and begin my walk. There is a light breeze, leaving goose-bumps all over my exposed flesh. Is it really from the wind or is it because I am nervous as all hell?

The door is slightly ajar. I don't hear any noise so I am assuming she fell asleep at her desk again. This is confirmed when I push the door all the way open. Her head is resting on her folded arms. Her breathing is shallow and slow. She is fast asleep alright. I lightly chuckle and watch her. Her hair has been taken out of the pin and it is cascading down her back. So calm and serene this moment is.

She is so beautiful. I just wish I could tell her how I feel. I owe her that much. Even if she doesn't love me, at-least I could get it off my chest. I move to stand next her. I reach my hand out and softly move my hand over her hair. I hear her mumble something and I stop dead in my tracks. "Ed please don't leave me..." She is dreaming.

I know she can't hear me but I answer anyway. "I'm not leaving you..." I whisper. But only I know the real truth. I'm not good enough for her. She needs a man who can actually tell her he loves her. I know actions speak louder than words but Winry deserves the words too. She deserves better. I suck in some air and prepare for what I'm about to do.

I kneel down so I am staring at her face when I speak to her. I put my hand on hers. She sighs in content. Well thats a good start. "I... I love you Winry... but we cannot be.. you deserve so much better." A few tears fall down my cheek with the intense emotion I am suddenly feeling. "I am not good enough for you.."I let out a sob. "What you want... I don't know if I can give it to you.." I notice that she is making a painful face. She must hear me but to her it's just a dream. " But know this... I will always love you... always..." I stand. I walk back to the house with out looking back.

Please take comfort in knowing that Winry...


	6. Chapter 5 : Truth

Chapter 5 : Truth

"Ed..." I whisper groagaly, coming out of the dream world. i catch a musty scent in the air. Wait a second. i know that smell, and my hand, it feels warm. Oh my god. He was here with me. He was just here. Those words in my dream. Words of love and not being good enough were they real? Did he really tell me what I have longed for him to say? Before I know what I am doing my feet are carrying me out of the shed.

"ED!" I yell as i run, tripping and falling before i make it to the threshold of the porch. He is no where in site. I assume he must've gone inside already. I wouldn't blame him one bit, it was freezing outside.

I am out of breath by the time I make to the living room. I take a couple of big breaths and make eye contact with Al who is sitting on the coach. He must know what I am looking for. He extends his hand and points to the stairs. He whispers "good luck" and I give him an odd look. What does he mean good luck? I have finally heard what I've been waiting for. Those words he spoke make my heart leap for joy. And I can't wait to hold him and tell him the same.

I cautiously make my way down the hall way. His door is at the end and I take a few deep breaths as I lightly walk to his door. The floor boards creak under my boots and I curse this damn old house. But before I can knock someone speaks through the door.

"Al... go away... I just want to be alone..." I hear him sigh then. "Please understand..."

Why does he want to be alone? Well besides the fact that he is a loner. But be left alone from Al? Wow, something must be up, those two are inseparable. Oh Ed, let me into our heart.

I decide not to knock. I know he will push me away again and I won't let him. I turn the knob slowly and push the door lightly. The creaking causes Ed to move in his bed. I can hear him turn over and then sit up. But I move swiftly and shut the door, not giving him a chance to see that it is I and not his brother.

"Al... please... leave me alone... I don't want to talk about it." I hear him sigh once more. But I seem to be frozen in place. My feet are stuck to the floor. "Well? Let me guess, you're just going to stand there until I tell you what happened? Fine, I'll tell you." He sounds aggravated. "She doesn't love me. Is that what you want to here?" I gasp. "Don't be so shocked. She moved on a longtime ago and I was a fool to think she could love someone like me." He pauses. Oh I wish I could see his face, but my eyes haven't adjusted to the darkness yet. "I will never be good enough for her. In a way I am glad she doesn't love me. Now she can find a real man to fulfill her needs. Because I know I can't do that." He chuckles a bit but his voice seems to crack. "I guess now I won't have to deal with her bitchiness." I feel a few tears run down my cheeks. After a few moments of holding back the sobs I let out a long moan of grief. I turn quickly and run for the door. But as I fumble in the dark for the knob I am grabbed. I shriek.

"Winry?" His voice sounds shocked and appalled.

I try and break free from his grasp on me. "Let me go!" I all but yell out. His auto-mail may be a bit broken but that isn't stopping him. Then I curse at being too loud.

"W-what are doing in here?" His tone is laced with nervousness.

"Apparently nothing..." I try some more and finally break free. "I'll just take my bitchiness somewhere else..." I move to leave but he catches my arm.

"Winry..." His voice is laced with pain.

"Please Ed... I can't take it anymore..." I bury my face in my hands. He still stands there. I can feel his eyes on me. "What did u tell me out in the shed? " I ask him as I lift my face to meet his.

"I don't remember.." He answers.

"You lie... you...you told me you loved me... didn't you?"

"..."

"Ed... tell me you love me..." His face is twisted in pain.

"I..." I nod urging him to continue. "I don't..." He says and hangs his head. I almost leave but I decide to stay. He's lying to me. Perhaps maybe to protect me. And perhaps because of what he said earlier about not being good enough. I reach my hand out and pull his chin up. I graze my hand over his face. Oh Ed you are more than worthy for me. Even if he is telling the truth, the next action will show what his true feelings are. I move my body closer to his. He backs up into his room. What is he afraid of me or something? I try not to laugh out loud instead insanely chuckling in my head at his nervousness. He keeps moving backwards as I move forwards. We are enveloped in darkness. The only noises heard are our breathing. I try to keep mine calm. I smirk as i notice his is out of control. I know he is still in front of me. I can feel his body heat. My smirk widens as I notice he has backed up into his bed. Now is my chance.

I stick my hand out and pull his neck to mine. Swiftly, not giving him time to think I tentatively press my lips to his. He stiffens in shock at the sudden action. I press further and meet some resistance. That is all the answer I need. I sigh and move to leave but before I know what is happening I am in his arms and his face is in the crook of my neck. I do the same and breath in his scent. He lifts his head and whispers in my ear. "Is this what you want... Winry...?"

Oh god yes! "Yes..." I answer and push my body further into his. It is an awkward moment. We stand there holding each other for what seems like forever. Until I become bold and I kiss the side of his face. He tightens his hold on my waist. I do it again and he moves his head to face me. I kiss him lightly on the lips. I almost break away but he kisses me back. My heart skips at the action. Soon the kiss becomes needy and I make another bold move and push him onto the bed. He lands on his back with a soft thud. I then kick my boots off and climb into the bed and lay next to him.

"Winry..." He sounds very nervous and I smile at this. I put my hand to his mouth to shush him.

"Please... don't..." I lean in again and kiss him. Once again he wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me closer. The weight of the auto-mail and flesh arm are drastically different, but I don't mind. I make a mental note to get right to fixing that tomorrow.

I move to kiss his neck and he sighs in relief. As I caress his flesh shoulder I can feel his tension slowly slipping away. I am faced with a decision. I have never lusted after him quite like this before. His flesh hand gropes my back and I am instantly turned on even more. I can feel his pulse beat heavily beneath my lips as I caress his skin like raindrops.

I guess I will just go with the flow. If he protests then fine. But as long as he doesn't resist me I will continue.

I sit up so I am kneeling on the bed. He looks up at me panting. God he is gorgeous. My hands move to the buttons on my shirt but his hands shoot up and stop me. I frown at him. Oh please Ed, let me be with you. I don't care about the morning, I just want to live for the now.

"Allow me..." He smirks at me as he unbuttons my top. With shaky nervous hands he glides the top off my shoulders and drops it to the floor beside the bed. His hands slide up my shoulders and grasp the straps of my bra. He looks at me then. He is silently asking for permission. I nod in understanding. As he slides the straps down I unclasp the clothing in the back. I close my eyes as he takes the bra off and drops it as well. I hear him gasp. I turn my head to the side to try and hide my embarrassment. Grasping my chin he turns it back to face him. "Don't be embarrassed Winry... you're beautiful." A tear forms and slides down my cheek, hitting his hand. He jerks his hand back, possibly in fear. Oh no, he thinks he has hurt me.

"No Ed..." I take his hands. "I have just been waiting so long for you to say that to me.." I whisper. He smiles at me. Not a smirk but a genuine smile. At this I smile as well.

His hands reach out and pull me in for a kiss. As I said before, molten lava against Ice. We are so different, but when love is involved we know each other well. My lips caress his and my tongue demands for entrance. Allowing this he moves his flesh hand to lightly caress one of my breasts. I break away for an instant to moan. I had no idea that his touch would do this to me. He captures my lips again as his hand grazes over the sensitive flesh again. I don't want to rush, but my need is being multiplied with every passing moment. And I am not sure how much longer I can hold out before jumping him. But I know I need to take it slow. For the man I am with is a broken soul and he needs to understand how much I love him. And that I can be patient for him.

His hands expertly glide up and down my back, I moan with every caress. Lips leaving a trail of fire up and down my neck. He seems to be stalling for some reason. Then it dawns on me. He doesn't know what to do. That and the fact that I bet he is nervous. I smile knowingly at him. He looks away. I know he must have a blush upon his cheeks. So I decide that i will guide him until he feels confident enough. I move to straddle him. His eyes are wide open as he looks up at me and he gulps. My hands are planted firmly on is well defined chest. Just this action alone is pushing me over the edge.

I slowly take his flesh hand and bring it up to one of my breasts. "You can touch me Ed..." His eyes widen, you'd think i just gave a loaded bee-bee gun to a toddler. I smile sweetly at him. He moves his hand a bit and I am having trouble staying still. The need growing in the pit of my stomach. I need to touch him as well. I lean down and kiss him. The auto-mail arm grazes my back and the coolness of it astounds me. As we kiss and his hand becomes more bold and squeezes my nipple I let out a loud moan and he instantly stops in surprise but soon resumes the action.

All of this petting is making me get all fired up. I need to let out this energy some how. Unlocking my lips from his I slowly move down so I am straddling his knees instead. His eyes following me the whole time.

In the dimness of the room I can see something protruding through his boxers. I make eye contact with him and he lets out a gasp. He knows what I am about to do. I reach out with my hands and quickly pull the front of the garment down. As I do this I hear him call my name. I really don't want to stop. But if he asks me to I will.

I plant one hand on his hip while the other grasps him. He lets out a quick breath and seems to be biting back the moans. He doesn't want to seem weak. The almighty Fullmetal alchemist at the will of a woman. How shameful that would be. I chuckle softly.

I really can't take it anymore. I want him, no I need him. I abruptly let go of him and get off the bed, He props himself up on his elbows to watch me. I unbutton my pants and pull the zipper down. I then slowly slide my pants and underwear off so they are pooled at my feet. His eyes widen and he opens his mouth to speak. But I don't let him.

I straddle him again and grind my hips into his. Again he bites back the moans. Before I slide him into me I do feel a moment of apprehension. But that is all faded away when I see the look on his face.

The pain doesn't come until he his almost all the way in. Now or never. I push my hips down all the way and the obstacle felt earlier is gone. I had envisioned a sharp pain but no, this burned. This pain burned like wild fire. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea I think as I squeeze my eyes shut and let out a small tear. A hand cups my cheek.

"Oh Winry..." He tells me in the most gentlest tone I've ever heard him use. Yes he does care for me. A few moments later the pain seems to fade away. I experiment by moving my hips forward. Then I feel it. As I move my hips more the pleasure seems to build. I open my eyes as I hear a loud moan come from under me. I smile and he looks away in embarrassment.

"Don't... be.. embarrassed Ed..." I say breathlessly.

Then he starts to move his hips with mine. With every roll I preform his hips come up to meet mine. The more we move, the more the pleasure comes. Sweat is pouring off my body like a river. What a work out I'm getting I muse in my head. Then all of a sudden it hits me. It's like a supernova in my body. I ride it out and then collapse on top of him. I know he is close for he has planted his hands on my hips and is bucking under me. I prop myself up on my elbows on either side of his head so I am facing him. He grabs my hip and pushes himself in as far as he can go. His lips capture mine as he groans. And very loudly I must say. His eyes are clenched tightly. He presses his forward to mine.

It seems we stay like that forever. Until I realize that he is still in me. I start to kiss his neck again. I chuckle a bit when I feel him start to harden within me again. I smirk into his neck and lightly move my hips again. His moans are pleasure to my ears.

"Win..what..." I catch his lips again in a kiss to quiet him.

"Love me Edward Elric... just love me..." I tell him.


	7. Chapter 6 : Connections of pain

Chapter 6: Connections of pain

I turn in my sleep and am met with a mouth full of hair. What the hell? I instantly open my eyes and am met with a beautiful sight. My blonde mechanic is sleeping curled up at my side. Oh yes, last night. A blush creeps up my cheeks. My sudden action of rolling over to face her causes her to come closer and put an arm around my waist to pull me flush against her. I gulp in nervousness. Why am I still nervous? After last night you would think my nervousness would have went out the window. I know why I am nervous. What does she expect from me now? I know that I shouldn't have given in last night but how can you say no to someone you love? She looked desperate for my love last night. I sigh and she moves, her eyes fluttering open. Dammit she's awake now. But that smile she adorns me with melts my heart.

"Good morning..." she whispers to me. She is still sleepy. Her eye lids start to close again. We were up into the wee hours of the morning. It still astounds me that we went that long. I blush again at the thought.

I am content to hold her. It seems like hours go by until there is a quick knock on my door and then it is opened. Instantly I pull the covers higher up so that we are covered.

It is Al. "Brother you know it's ten o'clo-" He stops mid-sentance when he sees who is in bed with me. "Oh.. well I guess we know where Winry is..." He shows me a big grin before leaving and shutting the door. I can hear his laugh fade deep into the house.

"I'm going to kill him later..." I mumble.

"Don't kill Al, he's a nice kid.." Her voice fades again. Apparently she can't decide whether she wants to be awake or not.

"Oh so you have no problem with Al coming in here and seeing us in bed together then?" I ask her, knowing fully well that she will wake up at that.

"Al was here!" She instantly sits up. I can't help but laugh. Her face is bright red and her hair is all tangled. She turns and glares at me. "And why are you laughing! He's going to tell Granny.." She groans. "Oh no..."

"Oh calm down, he won't" I assure her. She lays back down and slowly I move my face toward hers, but i stop right before my lips touch hers.

"Well? What are you waiting for?" She asks me. I'm waiting for permission of course!

"Well... umm" I stutter. I'm such an idiot.

"Ed... I told you last night, you can touch me.." She leans in and captures my lips. I groan and feel my need growing again. If this is what it's going to be like she will surely be the death of me. I think she can sense this because before I know what is going on she is on top of me.

"Win..." I say breathlessly. But she pays me no heed. She plants kisses on my neck and runs her hands up my sides. I'm becoming undone again. I gently grind my hips into hers to somehow relieve the pressure. At this she lets out a loud moan. Last night I really had no clue what I was doing. I also wanted her to enjoy everything. I was so afraid I would screw it up. But now, suddenly I feel iike I want the upper hand. She has awoken an animal in me, and it can not be tamed. So I move quickly and pin her beneath me. Staring into her eyes I pant breathlessly. "My turn..." And she smiles up at me and I smirk down at her.

We don't leave the room for another hour or so.

So much for not letting the world know, because as soon as I set foot in the kitchen I am met with a smiling brother.

"Not a word" I tell him. This only makes his smile widen.

Granny is at the counter with her back facing me. She clears her throat. "You two need to be quieter.. I was up half the night.." And with that she leaves. Of course my brother breaks out in a fit of laughter. I am stunned.

Winry walks in and sees my red face. "You've got to be joking...She knows..." She groans and looks from me to Al who is still laughing.

I am still stunned. So AL decides to answer. "Don't worry Win, she's not mad. She's glad actually." He laughs some more "She hopes that finally you two will get along better now that you two have found an outlet for your frustration." He breaks out into a fit of laughter once again. I scowl at him.

She sighs. "I'll be in the work-shed if anyone needs me." She turns to me then, with a broad smile. "When you're ready I'll put your new limbs on." Leaning up she pecks me on the cheek and she disappears. My hand touches where she kissed me. Al is staring at me with a smile on his face and I turn to face him.

"So..." he begins. But I interrupt.

"Don't ask because I am definitely not going to tell you." I tell him with aggravation.

He puts his hands up in defense. "Woah.. no way brother, I do NOT want to know." He pauses. "Just didn't know what to say to break the awkward silence."

I snort and proceed to get my breakfast.

As I sit there eating my mind keeps going to last night. I still can't believe it happened, and I am expecting to wake up in Nazi Germany.

Putting the dishes in the sink I look to the work-shed. I don't deserve her. I am a royal pain in ass and I know it. How is she ever going to be able to put up with me. It's all happening to fast I tell myself. I didn't expect last to happen the way it did. I rather would've gotten married first. But if Winry wanted it to happen the way it did, then I'm glad it did. I just want her happy. But maybe being with me wasn't such a good idea.

I sigh and walk out to the work-shed with my hands in my pockets.

I open the door and what do I see? A blonde woman with a wrench tinkering away at something. What is it? How the hell should I know. But what does catch my attention is the fact that she has unzipped her work suit and tied it around her waist. And of course she is wearing the black tube top. I shake my head and smile. Some things never change I guess. I walk up and put my arms around her waist.

"Guess who?" I ask her as I put my chin on her shoulder.

"Well, if it isn't Ed they're going to get a serious beating for touching me." She says in mock tone. She knows it's me. Winry turns around in my arms and gives me a chaste kiss. "I guess we should get going huh?" I stiffen. I hate this part of the process. It always hurt and I couldn't stand the thought of Winry seeing me so weak and vulnerable. "Will you take the toolbox in the house for me? I'll grab the limbs." And she smiles at me. God, she is an angel.

I'm seated on the couch again. Sitting here reminds me of the other day when she confessed she had made the limbs. She catches me blush and gives me an odd look. Great she thinks I'm embarrassed! Ha! Who am I kidding, i AM embarrassed. I'm sitting on the couch in nothing but my boxers and she is wearing that god forsaken tube top. Two pieces of clothing stand in the way between me and her. GAH! I grunt as she pulls on my arm socket and it comes out with a squeal.

"Ed I'm so sorry!" She blurts out. I look at her quizzically. "I just don't like to see you in pain." She looks away in embarrassed.

'It's ok..." I tell her. She looks back at me smiling.

''Ok love birds let's get on with it. We don't want to be at this ALL day. Some people have things to do!" Granny says as she enters the room. We both look away in embarrassment. Al is standing near but trying to no avail not to laugh. I glare at him.

"I'll deal with you later" He stops laughing and mock frowns at me.

"Oh come on..." He tells me chuckling a bit.

I hate the feeling of them connecting. It's like your body being ripped in half and then sewn back together. I bite back the moans of pain and clench my eyes tightly. I feel myself being laid on the couch and a cold wet cloth being placed on my forehead. "Thank you." I tell the person, but I know it's Winry. I know that touch.

"Your..welcome.."She tells me in a broken voice. I force my eyes open.

"D-don't cry..." I tell her as I reach my hand out which she firmly grasps and squeezes to let me know she is there.

"I love you.." I barely whisper. I have no idea if she hears me or not. I am pulled into dreamland with my angel by my side.


	8. Chapter 7 : What have I done?

Chapter 7 : What have I done

_What have I done?_

I'm sitting in my room cross legged staring at the grain texture of the wood I am seated upon. I see how the circles of wood represent the life that the tree once lived. Where is MY life headed? Sighing I concentrate harder on the floor, anything to stop me from remembering what happened. Who am I kidding! I love that man and I just let him walk out of here with that damn suitcase.

_What have I done?_

I can't even remember exactly how we started fighting. Laughing I smooth my hands over the wooden floor. I know, I'm laughing because we fight and bicker all the time about useless shit. I make a fist and punch the floor. Upon impact my knuckles crack and I feel the blood seep from the few cuts I've made on my porcelain flesh. Oh yes, the fight. I close my eyes and remember the words that slipped from his mouth. Words of regretting something. I didn't need to ask him what he regretted. That look of fury in his eyes told me everything I needed to know. I snapped my head back to him and I said the words that made him leave.

_What have I done?_

I told him I wished I never met him. As soon as they left my lips I regretted them. But it was too late. The sentence was out in the open and all I could do was await his response. And let me tell you it was not pretty. The look of shock on his face startled me. I stumbled back and hit the counter in the kitchen. The color had drained from his face and he gave me one last look of anger and stomped off toward his room. All I could do was stand there in complete shock. I tried to move but I couldn't.

He came down the stairs in a hurry. Perhaps so I wouldn't stop him. God knows I tried as I ran after him down the road. I lunged at him and I guess from pure instinct he shoved me off and I landed on the hard gravel with a thud. I rolled over and groaned as I clutched my shoulder. I remember laying there looking up at the sky at the clouds passing by. I moved my head and looked at him. He stood there in complete shock. He hurt me. He hurt me and Al since he had come back. He looked at his hands and whispered something I could barely hear, but i did. "I'm not worth anything...". He clenched his fists and turned around, his back to me. I struggled to stand. But when I did I moved to go to him but he told me to stop.

"I'm leaving and I'm not coming back." A sob escaped my throat at the words. "Don't attempt to seek me out because you won't find me."

"Y-You're gon-gonna to l-leave Al b-behind?" I stuttered.

"All I do is hurt the ones I most care about." He walked down the road and I fell to my knees and cried. After the dust cleared he were gone. There goes my happy ending I guess, no wedding and no children. And I cried long and hard until I felt someone pick me up and carry me back to the house. I clutched tightly on the jacket of the person until I'm sure my knuckles were white. I had inhaled the scent and I knew it was Al taking care of me. He laid me on the bed and covered me with the covers. I could hear the tears falling from his face that he was trying to hold back. Ed wasn't just leaving me, that I could try and live with, but Al? How could he leave his brother behind like that? He had just returned and he was leaving again. I guess an old dog can't be taught new tricks. I grabbed Al's hand as he got up. I pulled him back down and he understood. We both needed comfort. He cried silently into my shoulder and my sobs echoed his. We held onto each other for dear life. We lost something that day and had no idea if we we're going to get it back.

_What have I done?_

It's been a few weeks and I'm starting to recover. I no longer need Al to be by my side anymore like in the first few days. But in those days that followed I took everything that reminded me of Ed and tried to store it some where. But I stopped. I can't burn down my house too. So I put everything back where it was and attempted a smile when I passed the photos of him and Al when they were growing up. But smiling always turned into a frown. I started to become resentful. How could he be so cold and detached all the time. I wish I was able to just walk away from everything and start a new life. I guess I was wrong in thinking he actually had feelings and cared for me.

Why am I sitting on the floor of my room you might ask? Because it's the only place I can think straight and I feel so hot right now so the floor feels nice and cold. The heat has also made my stomach lurch every so often. I lay down on the floor and feel my cheek press against the cold surface. I must have laid there for hours it seems until Al finds me. He must've just passed by my room and noticed me on the floor, again.

"Winry..." he says in a soothing tone as he puts a hand on my back. "You need to stop doing this to yourself."

I don't answer but rather stay still and look dead ahead at the door he just exited from. Remembering Ed stomping up the stairs to leave. I close my eyes and a few tears come out. Why did you leave me Edward? I didn't mean the things I said. Please, just come home to me. I love you so much please. My eyes shut tightly I attempt to hold back the sobs that will rain over me.

_What have I done?_

My stomach lurches and I wince. The floor is oh so comfortable and I don't want to move. Maybe I'll just throw up right hear and worry about it later. But my stomach does a big flip and I awkwardly get up and sprint to the bathroom that is adjoining my room.

My breakfast comes out in the toilet and I cry. I hold the cover to the seat as more comes out and I sob. Something soft is putting pressure on my back as I am emptying the contents of my stomach. When I think I am done I reach for a tissue and a couple are shoved into my hand. I wipe my face and sit down in front of the toilet. Al leans over me from the side and flushes it.

"Winry, you need to calm down." He sighs and puts his arms around me. "You're working yourself up so much that you're making yourself sick... I... I don't want to lose you too." He tells me as he shoves his face into my shoulder and quietly sobs. He is right. I wrap my arms around him and he pulls me tighter into his embrace. How could I have forgot the trauma this young man has also endured? But a sudden feeling of dread washes over me and I push away from him gripping his shoulders tight. I look him in the face and dare to tell him something.

"Al... something's wrong..." I say in desperation. "Somethings not right..." He looks at me quizzically. Then the thought hits me and my breath comes in quick pants as I gasp, "What have I done?"


	9. Chapter 8 : Rambling Man

Chapter 8: Rambling man

It seems I have been wandering around for what feels like forever I think as I walk down the road I remember from years ago. The houses look the same and the grass is the same brilliant green from my past. I bring my hand up to scratch an itch on my face and feel the long stubble on my cheek. I never thought I would let it grow but I haven't really been myself since that day. Yes, the day I left my family. I only realize now that they are my family and I screwed it all up. I desperately wanted to come back and when I did I vowed to start over. What a load of shit that was. I dare not ever go back there. They're better off with out me there to hurt them. I wince as I remember the day I hit Al. Why the hell did I do that? Then I shoved Winry when I was leaving. I really am a bastard and asshole. I don't deserve anyones love.

I chuckle lightly to myself as I make my way up a cement walk and come face to face with a door I hadn't seen in a very longtime. A wreath with dried pink and red flowers adorns the door and I can not help but smile. I touch it with my fingers and I remember when I made it. What has led me here I don't know. Maybe fate. Ha, fate is a loud of fucking shit.

I lift my hand to knock but the door opens and I am met with a young girl. I gasp as I realize how big she has gotten. A woman comes up behind her telling her not to open the door for strangers. But when she comes to the door she too gasps and whispers "Edward-kun" I don't know what to say except her name.

"Mrs. Hughes..." I also whisper.

I am seated on the couch in the living room. I lightly chuckle under my breath as my hands smoothes over the fabric.

"What's so funny?" Elysia asks me as she takes a seat next to me. I smile back at her.

"Well, this couch you see, you were born here." I smile at her as I remember how frightened I really was that day.

"How did you know that?" She asks of me.

"Well Edward-kun was here Elysia, it's been a while since you've seen him." Mrs. Hughes responds to her question as she enters with some tea. "Well, let's get you comfortable for your stay Edo."

"I..I won't be staying long.. I j-just..." I look down at my hands. Why am I here? I don't want to hurt anyone else. I should just leave. "Maybe it was a mistake that I came by... I.." I say as I watch her put the tea down and come up to me. She places a hand on my shoulder and then looks down at Elysia.

"Elysia, do you think you could get ready for bed? You know, get in your pajamas and brush your teeth?" She nods. "I'll be up in a few minutes." I watch the girl smile and then she embraces me and says good night. I blush at the contact. Its been weeks since I've been held and I oh so miss it. It reminds me of Winrys touch and I feel sad all of a sudden. Oh how I miss her. "Edward..." I look up into her eyes. I pull back in anger.

"I don't want your pity..." I'm not going to stay one minute. "I'm going to leave.." I say as I make my way to the door.

"What you did could not have been so bad that you had to leave for good..."

I turn with surprise evident on my face "How did you..?" I ask.

"Well... sorry but... look at you Edward-kun...you're a mess..." She moves to embrace me. I stiffen at the touch. "You remind me of someone from long ago... and I don't want you to go down the wrong path. Stay and let me help you. Maes would roll over in his grave if I did not offer you the help you seek."

I clench my fists. "I don't want your pity... or you to help me because you feel you have to."

"I'm not... I want to... but If I let you go out that door no one will ever see you again and you will be burdened with guilt for the rest of your natural life." She tightens her embrace around me and I reluctantly relax. And as the tension sails away a few tears fall from my golden eyes. I sob into the embrace and she soothes and whispers comforting words. She must've known the life I led when I was younger. I hate being handled like a broken soul. But that is what I am. I may be in my early twenties but I am still a child in so many ways.

The sunlights hits my face and I roll over. Gah, I hate mornings. The pull out couch was comfortable for maybe the first few hours. I open my eyes and am met with two big brown ones. I sit up and jump back. "Ahh!"

"Hehehe..." Elysia squeaks jumping on top of the bed.

"Is Edward-kun up yet?" I hear Mrs. Hughes yell from the nearby kitchen. I groan at those words. If she calls me that one more time I swear.

"She just startled me." I reply as I get up and grab my pants and pull them up over my boxers. I reach for my shirt but Elysia grabs it and runs away. "Elysia please, can I have my shirt...?" I ask as I make my way after her. How does this kid have so much energy this early? As I get closer she throws the shirt at me. "Thanks". I smile at her so she doesn't think I'm mad. I guess it works because the next think I know she is hugging me again.

"Give me a piggy back ride Edo!" She exclaims. I use to give them to Al all the time. It's only been a few weeks but I miss his terribly.

"How about later?" I hug her back and she nods then scampers off.

"Those clothes you are wearing of filthy, first thing after breakfast you're going to take a decent shower." She says as I enter the kitchen putting my shirt over my head. "Then let's cut your hair and shave your face." I make a face at that. "Then we can get you a new set of clothes." She smiles at me. "Someone should wear them all!"

"Mrs. Hughes you really don't have to do that." I tell her as I am seated at the little table. "it wouldn't be right..."

"Of course it would. Someone should wear them. It's either you or they're going to the homeless shelter down the street." I reluctantly agree.

She stands in front of me with a pair of scissors. I laugh nervously "Just a little right?" I ask. My face is probably white as a ghost.

"Well I was thinking of cutting it all off." A look of horror adorns my face. "Edo I was just kidding!" She starts to laugh.

"That wasn't funny." I scowl at her as I cross my arms.

"Your temper hasn't changed a bit Edward-kun" She says as she smoothes her hands through my hair and prepares to cut.

"Ya know, you don't have to call me Edward-kun.. I'm not a kid anymore..." i mumble.

"Well, to me you will always be that sweet boy that helped me when Elysia was born." I blush as I remember. I was so scared that day. I was so sure she was going to die and to this day the thought of a child being born makes me want to run in fear. I know, I know, I have battled homoculi, gone through the gate and come back and I am scared of the thought of a kid coming into the world. Realistic fear isn't it? "Besides, what do you want me to call you?" She laughs." You're not married, so Kun is appropriate for now." She laughs some more as I let something slip.

"Well I was a close..." Her hands stop and she takes in a breath. I wince. Why did I have to go and say something like that. But it was the truth. If I had stayed I would've married Winry one day.

"What do you mean?" She asks me.

I take in a breath. "Winry..." I say to her.

"Ohh... you love her?" She asks as her hands to go through my golden locks once more. I am so relaxed so if she asks me anything I doubt I will lie or divert the questions.

"Yes..." I pause. "And I screwed it up." I tell her.

"Tell me about it." She asks me. Great now she wants to know about that too. "How can I help you if you can't confide in me?"

"FIne.. FIne.." I mumble and prepare myself for the answer. "I denied my feelings for so long, I got mad at Al because he tried to get me to admit them... I... I hit him...I've never hit my brother out of anger before." I look down at my hands.

"I'm sure he knows you didn't mean it.." She tells me.

I continue. "And Winry.." I sigh. "We fight all the time... always about stupid things... but the day I left was different. She just got me so angry... I told her I regretted it... and she said she wished she never met me."

"Oh Edward..."

"I know... we are so stubborn and have tempers. It's like we can't help it. Anyway, I left that day. Of course she followed me."

"Well she loves you..." I hear snipping come from behind me.

"She jumped on me and I shoved her off. She... she fell and hit the ground. I became disgusted with myself and left for good. I originally was just going to leave to think. But after that I had decided to never go back. They are better off with out me." An image of Wnry falling to the ground and looking at me in fear comes into my vision. I had never seen her gaze at me with fear in her eyes before. How could I have been so careless.

Mrs. Hughes came into view then and kneeled in front of me. "You know that isn't true..."

"Well I can't go back now..." I told her as sadness consumes me.

"I tell you what.." She puts her hands in mine and grips tight "Why don't you stay here until we sort everything out." She paused then. "I'm not trying to replace your mother Edward but let me be your friend." I nod at her and she smiles.


	10. Chapter 9 : Consequences of our actions

AN : I kinda rushed this chapter a bit... i promise the next will be much better.

review + comment please!

----------

Chapter 9 : Consequences of our actions.

Part 1 - Replacement

I am seated in the corner of the bathroom cross legged once again looking at the floor. This time I am staring at white tile. I trace the lines on the floor with my index finger. This room has become my favorite room in the house. Not being able to keep much down I have resolved to sleeping in the bathtub with a blanket and pillow because early mornings and late nights keep me clinging to a bowl of white.

"Winry! Winry!" Someone yells from downstairs. The door to my room is far off and it muffles the sound so I have no clue who is calling my name. Then I hear footfalls and my door is flung open and someone practically runs into the bathroom. I look up and come face to face with Al. He hangs on the door frame for a few minutes catching his breath. "I came as soon as I could. Is Ed here?" He asks with hope in his voice. I shake my head. This happens every day. Poor Alphonse rushes home everyday and asks me if his dear brother has come home. I just wish he would stop asking for him. I feel myself start to cry. The first time I have shed tears since I found out what was wrong.

Al collapses on the floor and pulls me into his embrace. The warmth of another body next to mine lightens my heart just a bit and I smile weakly. Why can't your brother be more like you Alphonse? You're sweet and caring. But you aren't a replacement for him and I can't expect you to be.

"W-We'll figure something out Win, I promise." He takes a breath and continues. "I'll never leave you..." He lifts a hand and brushes it through my hair and caresses my cheek, something Edward use to do. I know what he's thinking. He's not a replacement.

"No Al, you don't have to do that." I squeeze him tighter. "This is my mistake and I'm going to take care of it by myself."

"A mistake?" he pulls away from me. "Is that what you think it is?" He stares at me with anger evident in his stormy eyes. "How can you say that about something you and brother created?" He eyes me closely to see if I let any emotion through.

"I don't want him to know Al..." I say "He can't... I don't want him to come back for that, he needs to come back because he loves you and I. I couldn't live with the fact that he was here just because of his own flesh and blood. We would be living a lie and I just couldn't do it."

He pulls away slightly "Don't you think I've thought of that Win? I have, and I think if we could just find him and let him know something is up then maybe, just maybe he would come back because he's worried..." He tells me.

I nod in agreement. There is no use arguing with him, he's just going to do it anyway.

-----------

Part 2:

It took me many tries to get in touch with him. When I announced who I was they laughed at me and hung up, If I have to go in there, so help me God- "Hello? Alphonse?"

"Mustang!" I exclaim. "Took me so long to get in touch with you!" I say to him from my end.

"Yes, well what do you need Al, I am sorry but I AM a busy man and I can't just chat right now. I was told it was an emergency, is everything alright? How's FullMetal?" Woah, so many words from him. I almost laugh but reminded to get right to the point.

"That's the thing, he's gone and we don't know where he is." I stumble over the next words because I have no idea what to say. "There was...I... Well... Winry... it... was an accident-" But I didn't get to finish because he interrupted me.

"Is everything alright?" He shouts into the phone. "Okay well I will send a few officers out to retrieve him, you'll here from me" Then all I heard was a dial tone. Oh no, He thinks there was an accident. I turn to Winry and she looks at me expectantly.

I put a hand behind my head and nervously chuckle and smile "Well he's going to find him... the only problem is... ummm"

"Well?" She asks impatiently.

"Well, ahh...He thinks there was an accident..." I laugh nervously again "So he's probably going to snatch him from somewhere and tell him something bad happened..."

"Alphonse!" She groans. I just smile sheepishly.

"Well at least he's going to find him eh? Now all we have to do is wait."

What will brother say when he shows up and instead of seeing Winry in trouble, rather her standing there bursting with life instead?

------------------

Part 3:

I am surprised when I phone Gracia directly after I got off the phone with Alphonse and before I can actually ask her how everything is she tells me FullMetal is there.

After everything that happened a few years ago I got over myself and call Gracia frequently as well as stopping by to see her. I felt I owed them for saving my life those years ago. Ah yes, a time when I was consumed with guilt from the Ishbalan war. The memory of holding a gun to my own face always comes back to haunt me. But instead of feeling guilty I simply acknowledge it as a memory from my past.

"Edward-kun is here Roy..." I hear her whisper. Well isn't this a nice find, I guess I won't need to track him down.

"Why are you whispering?" I ask also in a whisper.

"Well I don't want him to know I am talking to you.." She pauses and yells to someone in the background. "Oh, it's just a friend!"

"I will be sending a few men over there to get him...something has happened back home and he needs to get there right away."

"Roy, you should come here yourself then..." I sigh. "Don't you care enough to come over yourself? Surely you can spare a few moments to come down here."

"Fine, but I won't be there long..." I sigh once more "I will be there soon."

As I make my way up the walk I hear laughing coming from with in. A shriek I know is distinctly from a young girl but the other low toned laughter is foreign to me. I knock and the giggling ceases. There standing in the door way seems to be a ghost. A man just a little bit shorter than I with strikingly long blonde hair tied back neatly in a pony tail as well as bangs hanging on both sides framing a face with deep golden eyes. He is wearing a long sleeved green shirt and brown kaki pants. He looks so different from the last time I saw him. We both stare at each other.

"Colonel.." He whispers. I suddenly feel very VERY old. This boy, no man was so young when I first saw him.

"FullMetal..."I also whisper.

"Well come on in Roy!" I hear Gracia call from behind FullMetal.

I come in and take my over coat off and hang it on the rack beside the door. As I make my way to the couch Elysia comes barreling in from the kitchen and collides with me. I almost fall but I catch myself. "Well hey there Elysia" I tell her with a smile on face. She looks more and more like Maes every day. "What have you been up to?"

"Playing with Edward-kun!" She says with excitement evident in her voice. "He's like the big brother I never had!" I steal a glance at FullMetal and he is blushing in embarrassment.

"I hate it when she calls me that." FullMetal grumbles. I laugh lightly. He turns and looks at me oddly. He really had no idea how much I have changed. He has changed too I presume. He may sound the same sometimes but I know better. War can do some drastic things to your soul. I myself don't 'have a pole up my ass' as I had caught some of my subordinates saying about me.

The day I was shot changed many things.

"Well I need to talk to him if that's okay?" She nods and leaves saying she will help her mother in the kitchen.

I motion for FullMetal to take a seat. He does and I sit next to him on the couch. He seems to stiffen as how close I am to him. How am I going to tell him something happened back home? I sigh and then clear my throat. "FullMetal..." But he interrupts me.

"Don't call me that... I'm not in the military anymore..." He says softly as he is looking down at his hands.

"Edward... I am here on behalf of Alphonse..." I hear him start to groan and notice he has balled his hands into fists.

"DId he tell you I made an ass of myself back home?" I see him unclench his fists and hold on to the edge of the couch on either side of him, but then he seems to sulk. "Well you can tell him I'm not coming back... not yet anyway..."

"Ahh... umm.." How should I proceed? I guess something happened that made him leave. But he is a drifter at heart so leaving was bound to happen soon or later. "No, he phoned me bidding me to find you, he said something has happened back home, to Winry I think..." But before I can say anything else he stands up immediately as I mention Winry's name. The look on his face is all i need to know about his feelings toward the blonde mechanic. I smile as I look up at him. But it disappears the moment his facial features turn to that of alarm.

"What's happened?" He asks with urgency in his voice. "Tell me old man!" He yells in desperation it seems.

"I don't know Full- Edward, I thought it best to come find you immediately." I tell him. He looks very worried. What happened that made him leave Alphonse behind?

By this time Gracia is coming out the kitchen. "Well I finally got Elysia to go to bed." She chuckles but stops when she sees Edward's face. "Is everything alright?"

"I'm leaving.." Edward says and goes up the stairs, to retrieve his belongs I assume.

"What's going on Roy?" Gracia asks me in a hushed voice.

"Alphonse called me late last night and was trying to tell me something, I think something happened to Winry." As I tell her this Edward is coming down the stairs with a bag.

"Mrs. Hughes, you are sure it is alright that I keep these clothes?" He gestures as he lifts the knapsack up with one hand while his suitcase is hanging from the other.

"Yes, of course, who else will where them?" Gracia tells him. "You have grown out of your other clothes, and besides, it's better than wearing black all the time like you use to." Then she chuckles and I laugh a bit too. But the glare Edward gives me stops the noise immediately.

I eye Edward as he makes his way to the coat rack. He pulls a coat over his shoulders and looks at me expectantly while gripping the door handle. After all those years of me trying to help him he is looking to me now? Golden eyes pleading with me to go with him. But until he voices it I will remain still. As if on cue his mouth opens.

"Well Mustang, are you coming?" He says to me a bit irritated. I assume it is because he is anxious to get home. I am about to speak but Gracia cuts in.

"Edward-kun, hold on a second. Let me get you some food for the road."

"That won't be nece-" But she interrupts him.

"Don't be silly, I'll be right back." And with that she is gone.

"You want me to accompany you?" I ask him a little startled.

"You don't have to, but at least come with me to train station." He really has changed. Not much but some little things have changed, such as wanting me around for a little bit. He doesn't seem disgusted with me as much anymore.

"There was once a time when you never wanted me around." I tell him.

"That is in the past..." He whispers. "Things change... people change..." My eyes widen at the words.

Gracia emerges with a small parcel and hands it to Edward. "Thank you Mrs. Hughes... for everything..." He hugs her and turns to me. "Shall we?" He smiles at me and I can't help but smile back. Maybe there is a friendship in the future after all.

-------------------

Part 4

I thought that the first time I saw Mustang again I would be infuriated or feel some sort of hatred, but I find that I don't feel that all. I feel admiration more than anything else. Shortly after I came home Al informed me of Mustang's election to becoming President. I groaned at first thinking he was going to force me into the military. But no blue uniformed men ever came knocking at my door.

I look at the back of his head as he is driving down the road and I am compelled to ask him something that had been nagging at me since I saw him. An odd question, but something I need to know. A question I had come to ask everyone I bumped into from my past.

"Colo- I mean.." I stumble a bit and curse.

He chuckles "Roy is fine. You are Edward and I am Roy." I can almost feel the smile through his words. I smile then. "What is it you want to ask me?" I see his eyes float a bit to the rearview mirror to lock onto mine and then back to the road.

"Are you happy?" I pause for a second and continue. "I mean, are you satisfied with where your life is right now?" I look in the rearview mirror and make eye contact with him once again.

"You could say I am." He beeps the horn then and curses at someone who cuts him off. "Sorry about that... A lot has happened since you went missing. And things kept on happening after you left Edward. Have you noticed that Riza, I mean Lt. Hawkeye is not driving my car right now, actually that she isn't with us right this very second?" He looks at me briefly before returning his eyes to the road.

A feeling of dread fills me. "Did something happen while I was away? Geez, it's just like with Hughes, no one tells me a god damn thing!" I all but yell.

But I am shocked because he starts to laugh then. And not just any laugh, a kind of laugh that you can tell he is definitely amused by my words. "No Edward! You have it all wrong!' He laughs some more. "She is still by my side, but in a different way. Edward, she is my wife now."

I can't help but gasp. "Well I thought there was some hidden thing going on but, woah!" I say.

"No, you still have it wrong. When I got shot and lost my eye she was by my side the whole time while I was recovering. But I was too stupid to appreciate her. She dropped subtle hints and I ignored them. And by ignoring them I pushed her away. We had a few fights and I finally realized that I loved her. It was very hard at first. But I finally did get over myself." I laughed then. "Ok you laugh but Edward, did you ever tell Winry you loved her?"

I sobered up then "How did you know that?' I ask accusingly.

"I'm sorry Edward but it is quite obvious." The car seems to slow down at the station. "Well it seems that you have made it just in time for the last train for the day. How lucky you are."

I get out of the car and make my way to the drivers side. I stand there for a few moments before we both extend our hands to shake at the same time. We both smile then. Who would have thought that we could have a decent conversation?

"Thank you, Roy." I say as I start to walk away.

"Edward! One more thing, If you ever want to return there will always be a place for you and I guarantee you it wouldn't be a very violent position."

"I'll think about it." I say to him. And for once I was speaking the absolute truth. I would seriously think it through.

The ride on the train brings me back to another place and time. Memories seem to flood my mind as I gaze out the window.

_"You know Al you didn't have to come along..." I tell him._

_"But Brother I always want to be with you..." Alphonse says to me._

I smile at the memory. We were inseparable back then, what happened? What happened to our innocence? Oh yes, I remember. It was torn away the day our mother died. Actually, you could go as far back to when our father left. But putting blame somewhere isn't going to ease the pain. Heck it doesn't even lesson it.

The trees and rolling hills of green grass swiftly go by and I start to day dream some more.

_"Brother, do you think we will find the stone?" Al told me through a creaking metal shell of a body._

_"Yes Al I do... and first thing, we will get you you're body back..." I extended my body on the bench of the train and put my arms behind my head and relaxed._

_"What about your arm and leg brother? Don't you want those back?" I moved my head and looked at him._

_"Well of course I do, but you come first." I told him. _

How could I be so selfish to leave him behind. He must hate me, and rightfully so. I promised to always be with him and I just left him behind. I came back just to leave again. How much of a dumb-ass can I be? Why do I have to be so stubborn all the time. All I do is hurt the ones I love.

I sigh and rest by head on the back of the seat. Staring up the ceiling of the train I come to a decision. I will swallow my pride and apologize.


	11. Chapter 10 : Discombobulated

AN : I'm sorry it took so long. But I do have a lot going on in my life. I am starting chapter 11 today.

-----

Chapter 10 : Discombobulated

----

I get off the train and feel a breeze come from the way of the Rockbell residence and I shiver. I don't know if its from the wind or the reality that I will have to face once I went back there. Straightening my overcoat I take a big gulp of air then exhale it out.

The walk back I tried to take my time. But my body had a mind of it's own as my feet seemed to carry me faster than I would have liked. As the house comes into view I try to avert my attention to the ground but my curiosity gets the better of me when I notice how quiet the area seems. Odd really, because Den would have been barking incessantly by now.

There seems to be no sound coming from the big yellow house as I creep up the stairs and hesitantly rap on the door. I wait a couple of minutes but no one answers. No sounds of metal on metal coming from the back of the property either. I go to investigate. My heart seems to be in my throat and a bad feeling seems to be creeping up on me.

I went to the work shed and noticed that the door was locked. Huh? That's odd. It was only six or so in the even. Winry was usually out here tinkering away until late into the night. A sudden feeling of dread consumes me. Maybe the accident was serious enough that no one was home because of it. I gulp and swiftly move back to the front door.

So i make my way back to the front door and slowly open it. It seems to be dead quiet inside the residence. Clearing my throat I look around. Placing my knapsak quietly on the ground as well as my suitcase I quickly scan my surroundings. Someone has to be home. Al was looking for me, could he have just left? Unless he thought I never would come. An intense feeling of guilt consumes me. The living room looks neat and picked up. But a piece of paper sitting on the counter in the kitchen catches my attention.

Winry,

You were resting so I did not want to wake you. Just stay put and rest in bed. See that? I said BED.

Alphonse and I have made a short trip to Rush Valley to inquire about Edward. We will be back sometime tomorrow afternoon. If you need anything you can call Nelly down the road and she will come in a jiffy to help you. If not, rest up and for goodness sakes eat something besides bread.

With love,

Granny and Alphonse

The tightening in chest eases when I read that Winry is indeed here. So she must be upstairs. As I make my way around the corner I feel excited about seeing her again, but also dread. What if she she doesn't want me here? What if she... doesn't love me anymore?

I look to the stairs. I can faintly hear something coming from the second floor and I follow it. The noises only getting louder and clearer the higher i go up the stairs. As I near the top I find they sound a lot like sobs. Slowly I walk down the hallway. The floor boards creak under my feet and I curse. She will surely know I am here. The sobs seem to be from Winry's room. And my heart promptly sinks at the thought. Seeing Winry cry always brakes my heart. I stop at the door way and look in a bit. The door to the bathroom at the far end of her room is open. I take a deep breath and take a few steps in. I clear my throat and open my mouth to announce my presence when her voice cuts me off.

"Alphonse...please.. stop sneaking in..." She sighs and I can hear her sniff. "If you want to come and hold me, I'm not going to stop you..." She says and it seems with a hint of happiness. My eyes widen at the words. Hold her? What is she talking about? Is he...? Is she...? Are they...? My hands ball into fists and I don't know how long I will be able to keep the anger and anguish of the current situation at bay. "Well? Are you coming in or not?" I hear with agitation in her voice. So she thinks I am Al? And despite the front I am trying to pull a few tears pool at the side of my eyes. I gasp in an attempt to hold them in. "Al...Alphonse?" She says with a shaky voice. I can hear the shuffling of fabric and someone moving. I need to get out of here before she sees me. I don't know what I will say in the heat of the moment once my eyes see her. I turn around and go to leave when I hear a gasp from behind me. "Ed...?" I hang my head in defeat. So much for leaving. "Is... is that you...?" Her voice seems to be shaking. But at the moment all I can think about is her and Al together. Him holding her... Him... touching her... like I use to. And a strangled cry comes out of my lips and few tears come down my cheeks. My heart has finally broken for the last time. I will wash my hands of these people and never come back.

"I hope you two are happy..." I say with an uneasiness tone. "I.. I have to go" I move to leave but I only get to the doorway and she is at my back with her arms around my waste holding me in place. I am in total shock.

"Don't leave... Ed... please..." Her face is buried in my back and I come to my senses and try and pry her off of me. I turn around and take in the sight of her. Her face is streaked with tears and her eyes are very red and puffy. Her hair is limp and her clothes are littered with crease lines. Her blue eyes look up into my golden ones. "Ed... Please.." Her hands shoot out and push aside my coat and grab my shirt in a death grip and she proceeds to bury her head in my chest. I look up and focus on the window in front of me. The situation is overwhelming. I am so confused.

"W-what about A-Al?" I choke out as a sob comes up and out of my throat.

"He doesn't want you to leave either..." She pauses as she tightens her hold on my shirt, if thats possible. "You're his brother..." Now I am extremely confused. Weren't they together now? Why would they need me? "Edward... Please... stay... don't leave me alone..."

"Y-you have Al..." She pushes back and looks at me in confusion.

"What are you talking about?" Now I don't know what to say. Maybe I misinterpreted the situation. "DId you just come back to say your final goodbyes?" She says with raising anger in her voice. "Then leave" She points to the door. I am shaking horribly now. I wanted to scream at her that she has it all wrong, that I have it all wrong. But the words won't come out. I am paralyzed in one spot. Me, the FullMetal alchemist is scared to death. I have been afraid of this moment. I am afraid that if I tell her how I feel she will reject me, and to me that is worse than death. "Well? What are you waiting for?" Her voice is laced with anger and a hint of something she is trying to suppress. But I can feel the emotion flowing from her. She is also afraid. Does she really think I will leave her?

"W-Winry..." I stutter out. She looks at me expectantly. Why can't I just tell her. God damnit, what the hell! I clench my fists in reaction to the anger I feel at myself. But before I can utter anything more she looks down.

"Leave then..." I see a few drops of water fall to the floor and my eyes widen in deeper confusion. "If you have no reason to stay, then leave..." She doesn't lift her gaze from the floor, rather pointing to the door to emphasize her feelings I guess. If that is what she wants how can I argue with her? Stubbornly I clench my fists tighter.

"If that is what you want..." And before she can stop me I turn around and leave the house with my knapsack and suitcase with out even blinking an eye.

I'm so fucking stuboborn. I kick the dirt below my automail leg and look around. Now where the hell am I going to go? So I do what my brother and I have always done. I make my way to the river.

----

The crystal clear water ripples with the wind and I can smell the freshness of the grass and I smile weakly as memories once again flood my consciousness. The long jacket seems too hot and I strip myself of the rather large garment. I chuckle while doing so. Afterwards I lay on my back and look at the clouds. My shirt scrunched up under me.

Hughes...

You were so tall compared to me. If I was shorter his clothes would have looked rather large and clumsy on me but since I have grown taller, and almost to the height of Mustang they just look some what loose. Oh Mrs. Hughes, you were so nice to me and offering me advice in my time of need. But you were wrong. They don't need me anymore. And it is about time I face that fact. I fall onto my back and lie in the grass with my hands behind my head. The energy spent on the journey here and worrying along the way has taken quite a toll on my body and I feel so sleepy. My eyes drift close even though I am trying to hard to stay awake.

----

I am brought back by the sound of someone running. What the hell! I jump up and into defense mode before I am fully awake that I'm in my home town and there is no threat here. But before I can register the situation I feel another body collide with mine and hold me in a death grip. I stumble back but I don't fall.

I venture a look down. Winry? What the hell?

"I went to the train station a-and you weren't there... I thought you had truly left me... b-but you didn't.. "She hugs me tighter around the waist. "I searched for hours... I almost gave up..." She doesn't seem upset anymore. Is that a hint of happiness in her voice.

Okay Edward, this is your chance and don't fuck it up this time.

"I-I couldn't..." I stutter. She looks up at me. Her eyes scream for me to tell her those words she longs to hear.

"I.." But she silences me with a kiss. I tense in shock but slowly relax into it. NO! My mind screams to tell her what she wants, needs and deserves to hear. So I push her back and grip her shoulders. My face tightens in preparation.

She is shocked to say the least and she starts to cry. In total panic I start to stutter an apologgy to her. "W-Winry... I-I... I'm sorry... p-please don't cry... I.. j-just..."

"You don't have to say it..." She cries harder now. "Spare me the pain... please..."

The pain? Oh no, she thinks I don't love her. So much for NOT fucking it up. So I put my hands on either side of her face and pull her to me and kiss her. I deepen it and she melts in my arms.

"What does that tell you?" I gasp out. "I love you Winry..." I pause only for a second. "I love you so much..." I don't wait for a reaction before pulling her in for another kiss.

"B-Brother...?"

----

Part 2 :

Suddenly I feel nervous as I am seated at the kitchen table staring at Alphonse. It is still hard to understand that he is not a boy, but a man. I tap my fingers on the table and look at everything except for him.

"Will you at least look at me?" He slams his fist on the table and I jump back. I have never seen him this angry before. I really don't know what to say that will make everything okay, probably nothing will.

"O-Okay..." I lift my head from looking at the table top. It's a nice grain texture okay! The look on his face scares me. He is angry with me, no he is BEYOND that. He is FURIOUS with me. "W-What's going on Al?" I try to say with some lightheartedness while my voice cracks. But he scowls at me and looks to the living room where Winry is at the moment.

She is humming softly and I know she is happy I am back. I look to the living room as well and I smile. But when I return my gaze back to Al I can see he is still angry with me. It is a scary thing to see him mad. In the time we have been brothers he has never gotten upset with me. So you can imagine the reason why I fidget in my seat as he scowls at me.

"S-So how have you b-been?" I started tapping my fingers once again.

"Oh so you suddenly care how I am?" He hisses.

Uh oh. This is not going to be good. "W-Well... I-I-" Another fist is slammed on the table interrupting me. My eyes widen and I simply gawk at him. Since when did Al become so... so.. violent?

"Save it for someone who cares." He is about to stand but I read my hand out and grab ahold of his wrist. He halts in his place. I really don't know what to say to him. I was stupid, and in a moment of pure fury I left. My only hope is that we can all start over. Not forget what happened, but rather put it in the past.

"Listen Al... I'm sorry... okay?" I've never been any good at apologies. So I do what I've been taught, and I look him in the eyes. "I'm sorry I left you behind." His face twitches and I can see the unshed tears behind his eyes. He tares his arm away from me and glares at me instead.

"Well you better not be here just for its sake." And with that he is gone out the back door. What is he talking? 'Back for its sake?'

Winry comes in and I notice she has a nervous aura about her as she walks into the room. Ever since that early afternoon she has been a bit fidgeting. I asked her but he simply shrugged it off. I give her a questioning look but she flashes me a huge grin

"Is everything alright Winry?' I ask her as I move to stand next to her while she gets a glass from the cupboard. "Nothing happened when I was away?" I move to embrace her and she turns her head to the side.

"umm... n-no... why?" Why is she so nervous? She is avoiding my eyes and she never does that.

"Listen..." I look away from her. "I'm sorry I said those horrible things to you." I turn back and I can see the glint of tears. I pull her closer. "I can't promise, but I can try to be nicer..."

"J-Just forget about it okay Ed?" See nuzzles her head into my shoulder. I relish her body against mine and I feel totally at ease, until I feel her slender frame seem to shake. I push back and look at her.

"You can tell me anything Winry, good or bad. I'll still love you..." She smiles through the tears.

"I'm just glad you're home...that's all..." But I know that isn't all. Something is going on. Normally I would try and force it out. But I can't do that this time. She will tell me when she is ready. I'm not about to lose her.


	12. Chapter 11 : Crucial moment

Chapter 11 : crucial moment

Part 1 :

My hands curl into fists at my sides as I look at myself in the mirror; naked. The water from my shower is still glistening off my skin and my hair is soaked still. I haven't cut my hair in a very longtime. I smile at the thought of it. Ed told me how he marveled my hair. So since that day I've kept it long and did not dare trim my blonde locks. But thinking of him brings a frown to my slightly flushed features.

Absentmindedly I run a hand over my abdomen. I've tried many times to tell him. But the words come out all jumbled and confused. Of course I always recover in record time and say that I had a headache, or that I forgot what I was going to say. At first it worked. He simply smiled at me and said okay. However after the third time he arched a golden eyebrow in my direction and asked if anything was wrong. Inwardly I had cringed and kicked myself. He then proceeded to do something I never thought he would, and it only made matters worse for me. He took his hands into mine and looked me in the eyes. "You can tell me anything... even things you think you will never say... you can tell me... I will never judge you..." Then he smiled and left me to think things over. I stomped on the floor and cursed. Why does he have to be so god damn nice. Since that day I can visibly see how he restrains himself from getting to mad at me, and never goads me into a fight. Almost as if he thinks I would make him leave.

One day, I think it was about two weeks ago, I was so close. It was on the tip of my tongue. But Al walked in carrying groceries. I took this as my chance to flee and immerse myself in automail. But the clanging of metal against metal did nothing for the knot in my stomach, which was steadily getting bigger and tighter as time went on.

I've been avoiding him. Well, not really. But to me I have been. To him I bet I am just really busy. When I climb into bed at night he shifts next to me, rolling over and slinging an arm around my middle. Almost, as if he knows what is growing inside me he rubs my lower abdomen and murmurs a hello in my ear. And I try so hard not to stiffen at his touch, but it can't be helped. Of course, Ed sleeps like a rock so he doesn't notice in the least. And I always sigh in relief when his breathing goes back to a steady rhythm, indicating he is asleep again.

The water has started to evaporate on my skin and thus only leaving my hair wet. i rub the towel over my hair before wrapping it up. THe other towel, that I normally use to dry the rest of my body has always been right fitting, but now it strains against my skin and I have to work hard to get it around the small pouch that has started to form. Yes, i am gaining weight, and it seems to me anywhere from about two pounds in few days to one pound a week. Edward has noticed this. HE wrapped his arms around me from the back and pulled me into his chest. He pulled back a bit and whispered that I felt different. I chuckled then. That was his way of saying that I have put on a few pounds. I shook my head and released myself from his embrace and went to my room to promptly think of a way to tell him. And like always I never could think of anything.

Cautiously I open the door of the bathroom and tip toe down to my room, no, our room. My clothes lay strewn on the unmade bed and I frown. He got up and never made the bed. I scrunch my face up in irritation. Men can't even make a bed... Well, the way I look at it, I'll take an unmade bed compared to busted automail any day. I chuckle to myself as I sift through the draws of my bureau.

Why does Ed have to be so difficult to talk to? I know the answer to that question. It's because of how nice he has been lately, and that I feel guilty for not telling him. Because as time when on, it just became easier to just ignore it all together and not tell him. Until one day my pants wouldn't fit. It was just yesterday that I attempted to put on my skirt and found that i could not button the last claps at the top. My first thought was to reach for my sweats, the ones I keep for the winter months. But I couldn't do that. Ed would see right through it. Because the Fullmetal alchemist misses nothing! Rolling my eyes at my thoughts I pull on an old jumpsuit I had laying around. This would just have to do for today.

----

Part 2 :

"You're being unfair Winry!" Damn old hag for yelling at me. What gives her the right! Oh yeah, she's my grandmother. But still, I am an adult and I can do as I please. "You are as stubborn as he is..." She mumbles.

Slamming my hands into the table I hang my head. "I'm just not ready!" I pause. "Oh and I heard that!" My head snaps up as she snickers and I glare daggers at her. My breathing quickens and I assume my face is as red as a cherry, but I don't really care at this point.

"Well you better hurry up there girl... before its too late." She tells me with concern evident in her voice as she looks down at my pants.

Oh yes, thats right, my pants don't fit anymore. It was quite awkward going up to Al and asking him to make my pants bigger. He smiled sadly at me and did as I requested. I watched him draw the circle on the ground and place my trousers in the middle. As he put his hands down Ed walked in and I almost had a heart attack. He looked on in bewilderment and I instantly snatched the pants, thanked Al and said I needed to check on my latest project.

I sigh and puff out my cheeks.

She is right though. I have been putting this off for far to long. But what am I suppose to say to him? I haven't exactly been lying to him. I have just not been too forthcoming with what is going on.

"You're so stubborn!" Yes, I am and pretty damn well proud of my strong nature. I slump into the chair at the table and put my head on folded arms upon the table. But before I can stop them, tears start to prick my eyes. I shudder at the feeling that has been enveloping me lately.

_Fear._

I am deathly afraid. Scared that Edward will leave me. I know it is a stupid thing to think, but how can I not? He has never been a man to settle. How do I know he still isn't thinking of packing up and leaving again?

A soft hand is placed on my shoulder and in reaction I get up quickly, over turning the chair, wrenching away from the embrace my grandmother is so willing to give me. "I don't need you pity." She pulls her hand back in responce to my hurtful words. I wince as I realize my mistake. "Granny, I'm sorry... please.. just... leave me alone.." I plead with her.

"No! You will deal with this! You made a mistake and you must live with the consequences!" She is furious.

"Don't tell me what to do." Again my hands plant themselves on the table, as a wave on nausea envelopes me.

"I can, and I will. He has a right to know he is going to be a father! Don't be foolish..." I can hear her leave through the kitchen door to probably go out to the work shed. I puff out my cheeks in irritation. Turning toward the doorway to the living room I stumble back and catch myself on the table's edge before gasping in shock.

"Edward..."

---------------

I know it is short, and I apologize for that.


	13. Chapter 12 : To act

Chapter 12 : To act

"Al... are you sure about this?" I tentatively ask while gazing into the mirror at myself. It was just a few hours ago that him and I made up from our spat. An argument I really have no idea was about. I was honest and told him how sorry I was about leaving. I didn't even think. I just let the words roll off my tongue, and I felt so good afterwards. Thats when I told him what I wanted to. And with a big grin he dragged me upstairs to prepare. I almost wish I never apologized.

"Oh yes brother, definitely sure... you can do this..." He tells me with a big smile, I can see in the reflection of the mirror. I scowl in response. Al sees me and rolls his eyes. Does he really think this is easy for me! To commit and stay forever in one place is the hardest thing for me to ever do. I'm a mobile. I never stay still, always moving and going where the wind takes me. To think that I am really going to go and ask her is still causing my fingers and toes to tingle.

"Okay brother, lets go over this again..." I turn crimson at the words and spin on him.

"No way Al..." I ground out.

"Okay so you're fine with going down there and stuttering like an idiot then?" I can see laughter behind his hazel eyes and I scowl again.

"Ya know brother" He points at my face. "..if you keep doing that its going to stick." My scowl deepens.

I know he's trying to make this easier, but all he is doing is making me even more nervous than I already am.

Winry, I'm trying to be perfect for you... but is my love going to be enough?

--

I try in vain to prevent the creaking of the stairs under my weight, but my metal leg doesn't help and its causing a very loud squeak of wood against wood and I cringe, but the argument in the kitchen ensues.

"All I want is for him to marry me Granny..." She is crying, and my breath catches in my throat. I come to a halt on the stairs.

Did she really just say that! My heart seems to start beating faster and threatens to burst through my chest.

"Well there is still much he doesn't know..." Granny says and I can tell by the tone in her voice she is annoyed, but at who exactly I don't know.

I take another step, and the wood bends but does not make a sound. So slowly I descend them preparing for the moment of truth.

--

The small velvet box within my automail hand falls to the floor and rolls away. I'm staring at my feet now watching it. Time seems to stand still as it rolls across the floor. I'm frozen and my mind is blank at the moment, except for one two syllable word...

Father...

The word echoes in my head over and over again. My feet planted in one spot on the floor and my flesh hand is trembling and I can hear her deep breathing coming from not to far away.

The box is seated nicely upon the smooth floor. This plan... thought... has gone terribly wrong all of a sudden... This isn't the way it was suppose to be...

More silence... More heavy breathing...

I'm not ready...

Fear... Terror... it consumes me...

I feel my body start to tingle, and not in a good way. My heart constricts and I feel like I can't breath. I can hear someone calling my name, but it seems so far away. My throat goes dry and my stomach lurches. A light touch to my cheek brings me back to reality. There staring into my gold eyes is a pair of azure ones, full of worry and... is that... fear?

There it is again, that voice, and light touch.

"Edward..." She whispers. I stumble back in response. She is holding the box in her hands and my eyes get wide.

Too much all at once.

Do I really want to marry her? Yes.. but... this... my eyes wonder from the box to her stomach and I feel bial rise in my throat and my head feels suddenly heavy.

I... need... to... get... out... of...

I run to the bathroom...

Here...

After a few moments of lurching into the toilet a soft hand is pressing against my spine and the other is holding my hair back.

An anguished cry erupts from me as another shudder courses through my frame.

"You know, I did this for Winry for about... hmm... a few weeks I think..." I still don't know what to say. "This doesn't change anything brother.."

How can he say that! Doesn't this change everything?

Al reaches over and flushes the toilet and reappears with a nice warm cloth and begins wiping my face. I continue to say nothing. Although I know he wishes me to. But what am I suppose to say? My heart and mind are numb at the moment and I all I wish for is that I never got out bed this morning...

Bed... our bed... I wince...

"Brother? Are you alright?" What the FUCK! How can he even ASK me that! I shove him away and scramble to my feet. "Edward.." He says to me, like he's scolding a small child. Its like he can read my mind. I have come to my senses and he knows exactly what I am about to. He grabs my arm before I make a move. "Think before you act..."

I wrench away. "Well she should have fucking told me..."

"That may be true... but she is telling you now..."

"WHAT! She never told me! I had to fucking hear it come from SOMEONE ELSE!" His face softens and I scowl at it.

"Didn't I tell you not to make that face brother..."

"Don't make this funny... because it isn't!" I ground out at him while I make my way to the doorway.

"She needs you brother... go to her..."

"Oh yeah I'm going to her..."I tell him seething.

"If you're going to yell at her...then I won't let you..." He moves too quickly for me to stop him... he is blocking my path.

"Like hell you are!" But he puts a hand on my chest told hold me still.

"This isn't just her fault... it takes TWO people to make a baby, brother..."

"I was there Al... I KNOW THAT!" My face reddens from anger AND embarrassment.

"What are you yelling at me for?"

"I DON'T KNOW! GAHHH!" I yell out and he catches me before I fall to my knees.

He whispers in my ear as he embraces me. "Its okay brother... its okay... everything will be fine..." His voice is soothing... almost like mom's... "You won't be like him... I won't let it happen..." How does he do that? How does he know what is going on in my head all the time?

"Oh god Al..." I hold him tighter. "What am I going to do..."

"You're going to marry her... have a beautiful baby... everything will be fine... it will be wonderful..." I turn my head to see him and he is smiling at me. Oh I hope you're right Al.

----

There's not much left of this story... just so you know...


	14. Chapter 13 : Getting back on track

Chapter 13 : Getting back on track

"Brother...if you do not go up there right this minute...so help me..." Alphonse is irritated at me. Why? Because I am too much of a chicken to go up and face her. "You HAVE to go up there... and you know it.." Oh no Al, you did NOT just use that tone of voice with me. I dubbed it your secret weapon. Because when you use that tone I'll do anything... damn you.

So grumbling I make my way up the creaky stares, and I don't even try to hinder the noise, she knows I am coming from the way the bannister creaks under my metal grip. Step by step my metal foot clangs against the hard wood beneath. My sin... my burden. I shake my head, those are the LAST thoughts I should be having right now. It is not the time to wallow in my own self pity.

I snort as my hand is about to grasp the doorknob, but I am soon overcome with fear. Why?

Afraid of losing her... but more afraid of becoming HIM. I don't want to be my father. I close my eyes and remember the last moment I saw him as a young boy. A dark figure in the doorway holding a briefcase... or was that a suitcase? Was he leaving us right then? Was that the time he left us for good? I shake my head once again to try and rid myself of these thoughts. I know Al says I am not him. But look at me... I have hurt the ones I loved and I left them. Sighing I grasp the doorknob. Now I must atone for my mistakes.

So with a shaky breath I open the door.

There is a thin line of sunlight streaming through the curtained window on the far side of the room. Giving the area a soft warm glow. My eyes trail along the floor until they settle on the hunched figure on the bed. I bite my lip and cautiously make my way over.

Me, the Fullmetal alchemist, feel like a small child as I carefully seat myself next to her quivering frame. My mouth has gone dry, I attempt to clear it, only to find that is hard to do as well.

"Hey..." I curse for it comes out no more than a chocked whisper.

"Hey yourself..." She says as I sit next to her on her bed.

It seems like hours go by...

"How does it feel...?" I turn from my view of the floor.

"What?" Blinking my eyes I ask, clearly confused.

She reaches up a hand and feebly wipes at the endless flow of tears that are coming down her face. "I _said_ How does it feel?" She pauses. "To be hacking your breakfast into the toilet... to be so sick with worry... and guilt... and..." She pauses again, and in a soft whisper says, "...fear..."

I stare at her then. And I mean "stare". It's almost like my mind is memorizing her face. Her flushed cheeks, her red puffy eyes... the way her lips have started quivering from her crying...and how the light reflects off her hair and face, giving her the look of an angel weeping.

I want to hold her. I want to tell her that everything is fine and it will be okay. But it is FAR from being okay... and FAR from being fine. My mind, and not to mention my heart is still adjusting. My throat is still as dry as the desert on the way to Lior, but I manage to form some sound.

"Why didn't you tell me...?"

"I thought you were going to leave me... for good..." More tears, more sniffling from her.

"Winry, I never-" But she cuts me off.

"You did!' And there she goes again, sobbing into her hands and her shoulders shake. My eyes widen in shock at her outburst, but I recover quickly.

"I didn't want to hurt you..."I trail off.

"But you did! And Al...you hurt Al too! YOU LEFT US!" She snaps the last part at me. "Did it ever cross your mind that leaving would cause more harm than good?" She lifts her face to look at me. "Did you Edward?"

I never thought of it like that. I hurt them... physically. I thought that if I disappeared for a while it would be for the best. So I look down ashamed and for the first time in a long time, I apologize. "I'm sorry..."

A long silence goes by. And I become fascinated more and more by the floor with every passing second. The shallow breathing from beside me continues and I dare not look up, for the fear of either a wrench or a barrel of more sobs to come from the woman next to me. But my curiosity gets the better of me and I look up to see her slender frame shake and her hands trying in vain to stop the flow of tears that are coming like twin rivers down her face.

I feel my heart fall into my stomach at the sight of her... the sight of her feeling so...broken... Like she will fall to pieces.. and I don't want that to happen... This girl--no, woman, so full of fire and life is breaking in front of me and I'm sitting here like a sack of potatoes. If I could I would really kick my own ass right now.

Hesitantly I move closer to her and thankfully she doesn't look up. And with a shaky arm, I put it around her shoulder and pull her to me. The next thing she does startles me. She turns and buries her face into my chest. As the shock wears off I wrap my arms around her tightly.

I lean my cheek down and rub it against her hair. Its so soft and I missed it so much while I was away. And that scent; flowery with a tinge of something metallic. So uniquely hers. I could identify it ANYWHERE.

Winry... _my_ Winry... I turn my head and kiss the soft skin behind her ear with out even thinking. She stiffens against me and I almost let go. That is until she snuggles more into me and I sigh in relief.

The feeling of a warm soul against me is refreshing, and it's even more so now that I know that warmth belongs to her. So I tighten my hold once more and kiss down from her ear to her neck and I hear her sigh beside me. Slowly I bring a hand up to stroke her side trailing it to the front of her and I instantly stop and swallow the lump that has risen in my throat.

There... her stomach... use to be flat with a bit of muscle beneath... now... there is what feels like a small bump...

I suck in a breath and she instantly moves a little and cranes her head up to look at me. Azure eyes staring... analyzing mine.

I lightly laugh to cover my nervousness and I have decided right then and there that I will always tell her the truth. She deserves that and more from me.

"Just surprised me...s'all" And I smile at her and tentatively run a shaky palm over her belly once again. And what I get in return makes my heart flutter, a smile. A big wide grin that puts all her other ones to shame. And like a damn as broken I am overcome with a sense of happiness I have never felt before. I may still be adjusting, but that is normal. I will always feel like I am on my toes wit her, but now, right at this moment I don;'t think I could be any happier... or loved anymore...

...and I think everything is going to be alright...


	15. Chapter 14 : Godsend

Chapter 14 : Godsend

"Winny... you have to hold on..." Tears stung my eyes as I held her hand in my gloved one.

A breathless and pain filled reply came back to me. "Y-you haven't called me that..." A few pants and a long drawn out breath. "...a longtime..." My eyes flickered to hers and I could see so many emotions with in them and I felt as if I could see and feel everything she had ever felt in just one gaze into those azure eyes. But it was short lived, because I felt a slap on my shoulder and my attention was drawn back to the main event.

"Snap out of it Alphonse!" Auntie made a face and rolled her eyes at me and I promptly blushed eight shades of red. You would think after having my body for a few years I could control that. "I need more towels..." She tells me and like a busy working bee I scramble out of the room to fetch some. And to my wonderful surprise there is Edward, right outside the door looking as white as the substance he despises. He looked just as bad as Winry, disheveled hair, wrinkled clothing, and he hadn't even shaved yet. Yes, my poor brother looked utterly and positively helpless and it mad me smile a little.

"Ed, don't you want to come in?" His eyes went as big as saucers and he shook his head franticly. I sigh and put a hand on his shoulder. "Brother, I'm sure she wants you in there... in fact... I'm sure she needs you in there." At the word 'need' his eyes changed to a look of worry and concern. Oh brother, you take things too literal sometimes. So before he is able to assault be with questions I reply to those looks. "Labor is very tiring, I'm sure if you go in there she will find her strength again." And I smile at him and his face goes even whiter than before. "Brother, Listen.. she needs you... go in... please..." Now I am getting irritated at him. "You can't just stay out here while she's in there having your baby!!" I suck in a breath and wring my hands. Now is NOT the time to be overwhelmed with emotions. Although I am very tired, even exhausted.

Winry started having labor pains sometime after lunch the previous day and it is about eight o'clock in the morning now. The last time she was checked was over an hour ago and she only had three centimeters to go before she was fully dilated. And with like most labors, she could already be dilated all the way and pushing in the matter of minutes. So I sigh and latch my arm around brothers and drag him toward the room, along with about half a dozen towels in tow. But just when we are about to get into the room he flails his arms and holds the door frame tightly. "Brother!!..." Okay now I am beyond irritated and frustrated. "Edward Elric, you go in there and see your wife this instant! None of this sulking around. Get your ASS in there NOW." I have been calm and patient with him. But this is the last straw. When Elysia was born we were so young, so of course it was scary, but this... this is his OWN child being born and it IS a beautiful thing. I grab him around the waist and pull him in.

His voice cracks in response and I smile. "How could you Al...!! Sell out your own brother!!!" This phrase seems oddly familiar and it makes me grin in triumph.

"Be a man for once!" It is Auntie speaking and I burst out and laugh. But I stop when I eye brother glaring at me. He may be pissed off at me now, but he'll come around and thank me later. I know he will.

"Edward?" It is a faint whisper laced with desperation. Oh Winry, you're knight in shining armor is here.

I nudge him in the ribs and he arches an eyebrow at me. Oh brother, are you THAT clueless when love is involved?

"Well are you just going to stand there pip-squeak?" And I can see a hint of laughter behind Auntie's eyes. His eyes flash red it seems and I chuckle a bit behind my hand. I smile and shake my head as I set the towels down on the nearby table.

Brother makes his way over to the chair that has been placed nicely beside the head of her bed, a chair that until now was vacant. As i pull a stool up to sit beside Auntie. He loves her. I think he always did but never knew what the feeling was until a short time ago. I guess it took going away and freshly coming home to make him see how much he needs her. A small smile comes to my face. Brother, you have found true happiness.

"Alphonse? Are you sure about this?" It is Auntie speaking again and my direction is turned back to what is happening _lower._ I swallow the nervous lump in my throat. Why am I so nervous now? Just a short while ago I was excited about all this. But now, that the time has come I feel so frantic and lost. She puts a hand on trembling one. "Its alright if you don't want to. I understand. But she is close. She will be starting to push soon and one of us has to take charge." I nod my head.

"I'm ready, I can do this." She smiles at me and nods also. Pushing aside with her feet I inch to the side to be in front of Winry. Okay, so I lied. I'm not really ready. But how can anyone be prepared, well be FULLY prepared to deliver their first baby? Certainly not me.

When I first took up an interest in medicine I really had no idea that THIS would be in store for me. Sure I had thought about little chubby faced kids with scrapes on the knee, and not to mention sweet old ladies with arthritis, but THIS? NO WAY!

It was brother's idea. He said I had a way with people. I had shrugged it off with a smile and blush. But he IS right. Most smile and trust me as soon as I open my mouth. Winry calls it a godsend. But of course I simply smile because I don't believe in God.

So with a snap I put on a new fresh pair of gloves and wince as I check her one last time.

-----

Two Epilogues to follow... and then look out for Things I'll Never Say : Drabbles


	16. Epilogue 1 2

Epilogue : My turn next?

I always have to do a double take when I walk through the door holding a bag of groceries and placing them on the counter. Because there on the fridge is a white piece of paper with a few drawn stick figures, with incredibly big heads I might add. Sometimes, I expect to come home and see mom, with her brown hair pulled to the side and brother wearing a pout because he got into something he wasn't suppose to.

I kept thinking it was a dream. No one stays happy long in THIS family.

But it did happen. Winry had a healthy baby girl. With eyes as blue as the ocean and hair as golden as the sun. Beautiful she may be, but her temper rivals brothers in every way possible. Her love for machinery and alchemy only at the age of five is a wonder and Winry and my brother encourage her every second of every day. I wonder what she will be like as a young woman... if maybe she will eventually have a sibling of her own and venture out on a journey like we did. But those are things I do not wish upon her or anyone else. Brother got a job working under Colonel-I mean Brigidiar General Mustang compiling his research on the red water, philosophers stone and homoculi. He needs my help from time to time and I am more than willing to offer it. Somethings should never be forgotten. I on the other hand have kept up with my profession in the medical field. I have been told I would make an excellent doctor in Central, but I decline. Being in a small town, and near my family is good enough for me.

And life stayed that way for a longtime... too long...

It wasn't until I was at the market one day that I realized that I had been living for everyone else. Everything I did was for my family and others that I cared about. I needed to do something for me and me alone. And as I had that thought I was bumped into by someone. So I looked up from the apple I was looking at in my hands and came face to face with a woman about my age, brown hair and the brightest green eyes. And then suddenly it wasn't about them anymore. It was about what I wanted out of life. Which was a wife, kids... a family of my own. I noticed then that she had dropped her things and I crouched to help her and I received the most beautiful smile I have either seen. So I swallowed the lump in my throat and I asked her if she would like to get some coffee and... but that is another story for another day...

Epilogue 2 : Suddenly I see

I have changed. It took a longtime...and many things to do it. But I have changed. I am no longer the adolescent punk I use to be. Surprisingly I have learned to keep my temper in check. Well, not exactly, but I don't get mad about stupid trivial things anymore... well.. okay that was another lie too.. I am still a little sensitive about my height. Hell you would be too if you found out that your daughter at the age of five was as tall as a seven year old should be. I grumbled a lot that day. But it was then that I realized how stupid it all was. So I laughed. I laughed so hard I saw stars and tears rolled down my cheeks. Of course Winry over reacted and thought I was hurt. And she slapped me when she found out I was just laughing, well, playfully of course.

Winry changed too. Her hair got short and she got... what word should I use? Womanly? Older? But those azure eyes of hers stayed true. She cut those long locks to be her above her shoulders. I was no longer able to twirl it between my fingers at night anymore. But rather now am able to run my hands through it all and gently massage her scalp. So basically I traded one wonderful thing for another... and I am satisfied with that.

Within those few days it was then I saw it. This is how life is suppose to be. Here, with my family.

So now I am sitting on the porch and we have our feet propped up on the railing. Winry is tucked next to me with her head laid on my shoulder. The stars are exceptionally beautiful and I wonder why I never noticed them before, probably too busy getting my brother out of that dark prison. My face goes dark and I shake my head to rid myself of those morbid thoughts. They should be acknowledged and remembered, not reminisced about it. But some things should never be forgotten.

This is all I ever wanted. Something I never thought I would eve have --

But my thoughts are interupted. "So.. is this it...?" She asks sleepily. I grin then and she cranes her neck up to see my face.

"Didn't you know Winry?' I smile at her bewildered expression. "Happy doesn't have an ending..."

After a moment she smiles sweetly at me and I can't help but kiss her.

This isn't it... it's only the beginning.

Dedication:

"There are a lot of things we humans don't understand... And when it comes to love, that's when we're most confused." - MatrixHacker204

To my dear friend Whitney... who has been up and down so many times I can't even count.

You are worth more than she ever made you believe you were.

Love,

Erin

AN : Be sure to look out for Things I'll Never Say - Drabbles + the sequal Things Said


End file.
